♥_♥

May. 30th, 2012 10:58 pm
hardparade: (celeb; simon)
[personal profile] hardparade
GUYS I SAW SIMON AMSTELL LIVE LAST NIGHT

IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER

LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT


IT WAS EVEN BETTER THAN WHEN I WENT TO SEE 'DO NOTHING' OH GOD I'M SO IN LOVE. My sister and I were in row H of the stalls which we didn't think sounded that close, but it turns out there isn't even a row A, and IT WAS REALLY CLOSE. So that was a thing. I just love him so much oh my god, like—I thought I was stupidly in love with him already but this made it WORSE. My hearteyes were out of control the entire time. It's so annoyiiiing because he's really funny, right, and that's enough. HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE ANYTHING ELSE. But then he's also stupidly attractive (oh my god and he wore his glasses HE WORE HIS GLASSES I NEARLY DIED) and so AWKWARD and awkward people are my favourite because I can sympathise but also I find them really sexy for some reason?? And he's also just really interesting to listen to, he's so smart and thoughtful and philosophical.

These were all things I knew already but what I did NOT know is that he's a feminist. ;__; I track the Simon Amstell tag on Tumblr and a while ago I saw someone talking about the show and they said something like "and he talked about how we pretend that women are on the same level as men even though we know they're really not" and I was like ...WHAT?? And it was bugging me because I kept thinking, that doesn't SOUND like something he'd say, but what if it is? That would be an absolute dealbreaker?

BUT IT TURNS OUT that person just completely misinterpreted what he said—it was in a slightly complicated bit where he was kind of talking about a ~better future~, saying "remember when" and then talking about dumb things that happen now? So he was basically saying it's dumb that people will ACT like feminists and then say that strong women are basically men. AND then he talked about how dumb gender roles are, how stupid it is to use terms like 'tomboy' and to even care what gender your baby is going to be, and OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IT'S SO UNNECESSARY HE DOES NOT NEED TO MAKE ME LOVE HIM EVEN MORE

He did imply that women who don't wear many clothes have low self-esteem, though, but I'm not sure if he was saying that's how it SOMETIMES is, or how it always is. :/ He was kind of just saying, no one is ever 100% man or woman anyway, and the people who are seem quite insecure, like they feel like they have to fit into this stereotype because they don't know who they are. He also talked about how dumb advertising is, how that Galaxy advert that encourages you to "hide" the fact that you eat chocolate is really awful and basically encouraging bulimia. AND about people saying "but" when it's totally unnecessary, like "they're Asian BUT they're really nice!" or something, and then he linked it in to like the media and people writing TV shows or whatever and one of his examples was "she's a transexual...so she's not in this."

Lol, I was so tense during this ENTIRE PART because I was SO SCARED he was going to say something offensive. And then when he was being all awesome I basically cried from relief. I AM REALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE FOR THIS MAN OKAY. (Oh and also! He said something along the lines of "remember when people would have pets and get really upset when they died, but if another animal died they would EAT IT?" and like I basically try not to discuss vegetarianism/veganism with people because I definitely cannot be some shining example here but. I just love the way he phrased that.)

OKAY that's obviously the most important part, but ALSO he talked about sex a lot. LIKE A LOT. I did not expect that. Like, in 'Do Nothing' he talked about sex, but it was more in the context of...relationships he'd had? But in this it was just. ACK. He referred to himself as a 'horny sex pest' and he kept saying things that made me yell DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT SIMON in my head. At one point he said there's a part of him that wants to fuck Justin Bieber so hard he cries, and I think I actually covered my face with my hands while my sister studiously ignored me. (And then he said he doesn't know where that fantasy comes from, because if in real life he was having sex with Justin Bieber and he started crying, he would obviously stop and ask if he was okay. ♥)

He also talked about how over time, he's started watching really seedy porn? Like. I'm not sure how to feel about this, I kind of hope he's exaggerating because the way he phrased it was problematic—he said it used to be a hard rule for him that porn was okay as long as the people were obviously enjoying themselves, and now...not so much. He said he basically seeks out the stuff where it seems like the people are being tricked, and that he tells himself it's just acting, but if it's acting it's REALLY GOOD ACTING. And this is AWFUL and I'm so ashamed because the idea of Simon watching morally reprehensible porn is really hot. :(

He also mentioned doing nitrous oxide ("I don't do drugs...unless they come in balloons!") and later magic mushrooms ("I don't do drugs...unless they contain magic!") and then there was a whole bit where he talked about some ~medicine~ he took during a spiritual retreat in Peru and this basically just sounded like an INSANE DRUG TRIP and it was hilarious. Like, my sister thinks the entire thing was just made up because it's so completely absurd.

ALSO HE MENTIONED IN PASSING THAT HE'S CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP and oh my god I'm so glad because he needs to have someone to make him happy all the time always, okay.

And on a random note, he was wearing really baggy clothes (he said it was an attempt to look his age, lol) and it made him look even skinnier somehow and I'm so attracted to that oh my god I don't even know why because when he was half-naked in 'Grandma's House' he looked ILL and yet. And yet. I have issues, idk.

OH and also at one point this woman sneezed and it sounded kind of odd and Simon ACTUALLY GIGGLED and said "that's a funny sneeze" oh my god how is he so adorable. ;__; He also said bless you to someone else who sneezed earlier on. And verbally attacked people who left to go to the toilet, which he did during 'Do Nothing' as well and GOD, I would be mortified if he did that to me and I should get secondhand embarrassment from it but I just—I'm so interested by how it's obviously a control thing? Like he makes other people feel awkward so that he doesn't have to (he basically said this himself) and so it's like, as long as he's in the position of power he feels better? (He said "this is the only way I can talk to people—raised and lit" at one point, hahaha.)

Also the support act was this Norwegian guy who I was pretty iffy about overall but he did say some really funny things about his cat.

I'm sure I'm forgetting like the MAJORITY OF THIS because my sister and I went for a glass of wine before the show but they kept panicking us with "THIS IS YOUR FINAL CALL TAKE YOUR SEATS" announcements so we drank way too fast and were a little dizzy for the first half. And then we went out to a bar afterwards and I had a Blue Hawaiian for the first time and omg you guys HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DRINK, LOOK HOW AWESOME IT IS



I took this photo on my phone and tried to tweet it but I have no idea how to do that so it didn't work. (Sidenote: every time I took out my phone during this visit, my sister asked me if I was twitting. I REALLY wanted to tweet that but she wouldn't let me but whatever I'm saying it here instead ISN'T SHE CUTE?) We also went to the park to feed squirrels and birds, and (on a separate occasion) we got two full-sized tubs of Ben & Jerry's for FREE because they were just handing them out in town. IT WAS A FUN VISIT.


I just looked at my Simon Amstell tag and it turns out I titled my entry about 'Do Nothing' with hearteyes as well. FIGURES.

(More One Direction posts to come in the next few days, don't worry. XD)

Date: 2012-05-30 10:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] astreindre.livejournal.com
You are so precious. I know who Simon Amstell is but I don't REALLY care about him too much, but it's just so nice to see you flaily and happy that I was grinning all through this post anyway. So glad you had a good time, bb!

Date: 2012-05-30 10:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT HIM MORE, HE'S AMAZING. Although he would probably trigger your secondhand embarrassment squick HARD, so maybe never mind. But thank you bb. ♥

Date: 2012-05-31 01:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hypertwink.livejournal.com
And this is AWFUL and I'm so ashamed because the idea of Simon watching morally reprehensible porn is really hot. :(

Maybe, he's talking about those baitbus porn vids -- where a (not-really or not-so) straight guy gets tricked into having gay sex by promising them sex with the girl they used to lure him in. While some of them are really obvious and pretend (and with recognizable but not that famous porn actors), a few ring almost true.

I wonder what his BF looks like because I remember him in Do Nothing where he had this long bit about likingstalking people as thin and awkward like himself -- which made me think that he and Jesse Eisenberg would really hit it off.

Date: 2012-05-31 01:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
I thought he might mean that because of the "tricked" thing and I hope so, 'cause that's not as bad as like...the REALLY shady stuff? Like it's still just acting, even if it is good acting. I feel uncomfortable with some of those even though I know they're fake, so that makes sense.

Yeah, I'm curious about what his bf looks like too. GOD the idea of Simon Amstell/Jesse Eisenberg melts my brain. AND THEY ARE BOTH FRIENDS WITH ANDREW GARFIELD, HE SHOULD SET THEM UP

Date: 2012-05-31 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sofiawonderland.livejournal.com
OH GOD I'M SO JELLY. Simon is the most precious person ever and reading this turned my eyes into huge cartoon hearts so I can only imagine how it felt to actually be there and see it all. I wanted to make more detailed comments but just EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS get me grinning like a loon so I'll leave it at that.

Date: 2012-05-31 11:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
SO PRECIOUS oh my god my eyes were cartoon hearts basically the entire time, I was genuinely embarrassed because I'm not sure I've ever shown love on my face that obviously in public before. ALSO THERE WAS THIS ONE POINT where it was like he was acting out a conversation and he looked in our direction while he was saying "you're beautiful" and I pretty much died like a ridiculous fangirl. ;__; And as a result cannot remember the context AT ALL.

Date: 2012-05-31 05:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexi-lupin.livejournal.com
At one point he said there's a part of him that wants to fuck Justin Bieber so hard he cries, and I think I actually covered my face with my hands while my sister studiously ignored me. (And then he said he doesn't know where that fantasy comes from, because if in real life he was having sex with Justin Bieber and he started crying, he would obviously stop and ask if he was okay. ♥)


OMG HE'S SO EXCELLENT. THE IMAGE. OH MY GOD. I WOULD READ IT. BOTH WAYS.

Date: 2012-05-31 11:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
ME TOO

I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT JUSTIN BIEBER BUT I CARE ABOUT SIMON FUCKING HIM SO HARD HE CRIES

OH MY GOD

Date: 2012-05-31 11:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexi-lupin.livejournal.com
SAME.

BUT ALSO THE IMAGE OF JUSTIN CRYING AND THEN SIMON BEING ALL CONCERNED LIKE "ARE YOU OKAY?" IS ALSO SO PRECIOUS. I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE I LIKE MORE.

Date: 2012-05-31 12:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
IT COULD BE BOTH

LIKE AT FIRST THEY'RE REALLY INTO IT AND IT JUST GETS MORE VIOLENT AND INTENSE

BUT THEN WHEN JUSTIN STARTS CRYING SIMON IS LIKE "WAIT NO" AND CHECKS HE'S OKAY

AND MAYBE HE IS BECAUSE HE ~LIKES IT ROUGH~ SO THEN THEY CARRY ON

Date: 2012-05-31 12:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexi-lupin.livejournal.com
DO WANT

idk especially because Justin's ~image~ is fairly arrogant, or at least in that direction

Date: 2012-05-31 12:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
Tbh I know like next to nothing about him, which sucks because if I did I WOULD TOTALLY TRY AND WRITE THIS

Date: 2012-05-31 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexi-lupin.livejournal.com
Me either but guys in hip hop (pop/hip hop?) always seem to have that image. No humbleness among rappers/hip hop/rnb

I can't think of a reason they would meet and be having sex tbh so if i wrote anything I'd just start in the middle of the sex and avoid explanations XD

Date: 2012-05-31 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
Oh yeah, so would I, I just meant I wouldn't even know how to write him 'cause I don't think I've ever heard him talk or anything!

Date: 2012-06-01 12:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexi-lupin.livejournal.com
I watched an ep of Graham Norton he was on and he seems nice enough but he's not enough of a dork for my liking, lol. He seems nice, but he also seems like he's trying to be cool, sort of?

Date: 2012-06-01 02:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kay18jay.livejournal.com
omg, justin bieber is the biggest nerd ever. he walks into doors, he says stupid shit. he's fidgety, and nervous, and so adorable, I always just want to pinch his cheeks. You're right, he does try to be cool a lot, but 3/4 of the time, he's just dorky.
There was an interview when he was in london recently, where the interviewer, (damm, I can't remember his name, a big tv guy, a gorgeous brown man) asked him about sex, and the kid was blushing, he was sooo red. it was adorable.

Date: 2012-06-01 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexi-lupin.livejournal.com
This pleases me. :P

Date: 2012-05-31 02:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kay18jay.livejournal.com
i'm dipping, I know, but if you wrote that, it would be totally awesome. In my world, it would be a fandom collision of epic and monumental proportions.

Date: 2012-05-31 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
Thank you for your faith in me, haha!!

Date: 2012-06-01 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kay18jay.livejournal.com
It's that you are an amazing writer! Oh, and holy cow, I spent the day on youtube watching Simon Amstell. Thank you, very much. Like I needed something/one else to obsess over. hahahaa.

Date: 2012-06-01 12:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
♥ AND YES GOOD, ISN'T HE AMAZING?

Date: 2012-05-31 08:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] justwolf.livejournal.com
Oh God you've made me want to see this sooo badly. I didn't go to Do Nothing because I hate going to shows and I've resisted this as well but it's Simon and I LOVE him and maybe it would be worth it. It sounds incredible--I love love love him for being a feminist. And also for talking about porn. He looks so so so cute in all his posters for this, I keep staring at them with... basically with hearteyes, yes.

I'm really glad you had a good time! ♥ It sounds amazing.

Date: 2012-05-31 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
I think it would be worth it!! I think this was even better than 'Do Nothing' but it's very close. HEARTEYES ARE THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE RESPONSE TO SIMON AMSTELL I THINK. And feminism and porn are two of my favourite things so for him to talk about them was just...aaaaaaugh. ♥

:)

Date: 2012-05-31 09:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peak-in-darien.livejournal.com
Sounds like you loved the show for a lot of the same reasons I did! And had a really similar experience, sitting up close. :D I loved the vegetarian bit too. Ahhh, Simon. So much love. ♥

Date: 2012-05-31 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
♥ He's so amazing.

Date: 2012-05-31 01:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fancydressmasks.livejournal.com
I LOVE Simon Amstell, but I'm not going to read this because I don't want to be spoiled (I'm not going to the tour, but I'll get it on DVD or something.)

Date: 2012-05-31 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
I hope there's going to be a DVD because I NEED TO SEE IT ALL AGAIN

Date: 2012-05-31 09:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asherlev1.livejournal.com
Between realizing you and Mark Alan Parsons both love Simon Amstell, I am just like: Yeah, 1D fandom is AWESOME.
Edited Date: 2012-05-31 09:47 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-05-31 10:37 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-06-01 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mannerspolice.livejournal.com
HORNY SEX PEST. I ACTUALLY SCREAMED WHEN I READ THIS OH MY GOD.

I /CANNOT/ WAIT TO GO SEE THIS I DON'T THINK I CAN GET THROUGH THE MONTHS BEFORE I GET TO GO. I'm really glad too that you told me now that it's not really offensive. AND HE WORE HIS GLASSES I HOPE HE WEARS HIS GLASSES WHEN I GO I AM SO GLAD HE'S IN A RELATIONSHIP.

I'M REALLY SORRY FOR BASICALLY JUST SCREAMING IN YOUR COMMENTS I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF OH MY GOD.

Date: 2012-06-01 11:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
I KNOW RIGHT OH MY GOD I almost screamed when he said it tbh. He was talking about going on holiday on his own and how it helps you discover who you really are, and it made him discover that who he really is is a HORNY SEX PEST

GOD.

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I HOPE HE WEARS HIS GLASSES FOR YOU TOO AND IS STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AT THAT POINT

TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE omg you should have seen me during the entire thing and then also at the bar afterwards I think my sister was embarrassed by me but I just LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

Date: 2012-07-04 04:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asherlev1.livejournal.com
JW how long was the show?! Cos he's going to be in NYC and I want to get tickets but if my mom is dropping me, she wants to know how long the thing will be and so far all I know is that the show starts at 8 pm #panicking

Date: 2012-07-04 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
I can't remember EXACTLY, but Simon was on for about an hour, and the support was maybe on for half an hour, and there was an interval of maybe twenty minutes? So I'd say roughly two hours altogether! My sister says it started at 8 for us too, and she thinks we got out around 10:15. I hope you have fun if you go. :)

Date: 2012-07-05 03:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asherlev1.livejournal.com
Oh goodie! I was thinking it might be around two hours. Basically, though, my life sucks. Because Simon is going to be RIGHT THERE. But my parents are all - we are NOT driving you to NYC so you can see a show while we twiddle our thumbs. Now that I know the show is two hours, I feel like they could definitely find SOME way to entertain themselves (I mean, it's NYC ffs), but I'm sure they'll disagree. *hangs head*

PS you know, is it weird that I am in a constant state of anticipation for something to give in 1D fandom? Not that I want Louis and Harry to get outed, or anything detrimental to their happiness like that, but I don't think I have ever shipped an IRL pairing this hard or even ever thought they were actually in a relationship. So it's just a very weird state of being for me. I mean - GOD, if they would actually decide for themselves to go public - *keels over at thought*

Date: 2012-07-05 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
They could totally find a way of entertaining themselves in NYC! I say you try and persuade them, the show is so good and who knows when he'll be back in the US?

Oh god, that's not weird, I know exactly how you feel! The feeling has died down for me a bit, but for the first month and a half or so of being in the fandom I was just in like a constant state of anxiety/paranoia because it really felt like anything could happen at any moment. AND IT STILL FEELS LIKE THAT. This fandom wreaks havoc on your nerves. XD

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