♥_♥

May. 30th, 2012 10:58 pm
hardparade: (celeb; simon)
[personal profile] hardparade
GUYS I SAW SIMON AMSTELL LIVE LAST NIGHT

IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER

LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT


IT WAS EVEN BETTER THAN WHEN I WENT TO SEE 'DO NOTHING' OH GOD I'M SO IN LOVE. My sister and I were in row H of the stalls which we didn't think sounded that close, but it turns out there isn't even a row A, and IT WAS REALLY CLOSE. So that was a thing. I just love him so much oh my god, like—I thought I was stupidly in love with him already but this made it WORSE. My hearteyes were out of control the entire time. It's so annoyiiiing because he's really funny, right, and that's enough. HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE ANYTHING ELSE. But then he's also stupidly attractive (oh my god and he wore his glasses HE WORE HIS GLASSES I NEARLY DIED) and so AWKWARD and awkward people are my favourite because I can sympathise but also I find them really sexy for some reason?? And he's also just really interesting to listen to, he's so smart and thoughtful and philosophical.

These were all things I knew already but what I did NOT know is that he's a feminist. ;__; I track the Simon Amstell tag on Tumblr and a while ago I saw someone talking about the show and they said something like "and he talked about how we pretend that women are on the same level as men even though we know they're really not" and I was like ...WHAT?? And it was bugging me because I kept thinking, that doesn't SOUND like something he'd say, but what if it is? That would be an absolute dealbreaker?

BUT IT TURNS OUT that person just completely misinterpreted what he said—it was in a slightly complicated bit where he was kind of talking about a ~better future~, saying "remember when" and then talking about dumb things that happen now? So he was basically saying it's dumb that people will ACT like feminists and then say that strong women are basically men. AND then he talked about how dumb gender roles are, how stupid it is to use terms like 'tomboy' and to even care what gender your baby is going to be, and OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IT'S SO UNNECESSARY HE DOES NOT NEED TO MAKE ME LOVE HIM EVEN MORE

He did imply that women who don't wear many clothes have low self-esteem, though, but I'm not sure if he was saying that's how it SOMETIMES is, or how it always is. :/ He was kind of just saying, no one is ever 100% man or woman anyway, and the people who are seem quite insecure, like they feel like they have to fit into this stereotype because they don't know who they are. He also talked about how dumb advertising is, how that Galaxy advert that encourages you to "hide" the fact that you eat chocolate is really awful and basically encouraging bulimia. AND about people saying "but" when it's totally unnecessary, like "they're Asian BUT they're really nice!" or something, and then he linked it in to like the media and people writing TV shows or whatever and one of his examples was "she's a transexual...so she's not in this."

Lol, I was so tense during this ENTIRE PART because I was SO SCARED he was going to say something offensive. And then when he was being all awesome I basically cried from relief. I AM REALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE FOR THIS MAN OKAY. (Oh and also! He said something along the lines of "remember when people would have pets and get really upset when they died, but if another animal died they would EAT IT?" and like I basically try not to discuss vegetarianism/veganism with people because I definitely cannot be some shining example here but. I just love the way he phrased that.)

OKAY that's obviously the most important part, but ALSO he talked about sex a lot. LIKE A LOT. I did not expect that. Like, in 'Do Nothing' he talked about sex, but it was more in the context of...relationships he'd had? But in this it was just. ACK. He referred to himself as a 'horny sex pest' and he kept saying things that made me yell DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT SIMON in my head. At one point he said there's a part of him that wants to fuck Justin Bieber so hard he cries, and I think I actually covered my face with my hands while my sister studiously ignored me. (And then he said he doesn't know where that fantasy comes from, because if in real life he was having sex with Justin Bieber and he started crying, he would obviously stop and ask if he was okay. ♥)

He also talked about how over time, he's started watching really seedy porn? Like. I'm not sure how to feel about this, I kind of hope he's exaggerating because the way he phrased it was problematic—he said it used to be a hard rule for him that porn was okay as long as the people were obviously enjoying themselves, and now...not so much. He said he basically seeks out the stuff where it seems like the people are being tricked, and that he tells himself it's just acting, but if it's acting it's REALLY GOOD ACTING. And this is AWFUL and I'm so ashamed because the idea of Simon watching morally reprehensible porn is really hot. :(

He also mentioned doing nitrous oxide ("I don't do drugs...unless they come in balloons!") and later magic mushrooms ("I don't do drugs...unless they contain magic!") and then there was a whole bit where he talked about some ~medicine~ he took during a spiritual retreat in Peru and this basically just sounded like an INSANE DRUG TRIP and it was hilarious. Like, my sister thinks the entire thing was just made up because it's so completely absurd.

ALSO HE MENTIONED IN PASSING THAT HE'S CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP and oh my god I'm so glad because he needs to have someone to make him happy all the time always, okay.

And on a random note, he was wearing really baggy clothes (he said it was an attempt to look his age, lol) and it made him look even skinnier somehow and I'm so attracted to that oh my god I don't even know why because when he was half-naked in 'Grandma's House' he looked ILL and yet. And yet. I have issues, idk.

OH and also at one point this woman sneezed and it sounded kind of odd and Simon ACTUALLY GIGGLED and said "that's a funny sneeze" oh my god how is he so adorable. ;__; He also said bless you to someone else who sneezed earlier on. And verbally attacked people who left to go to the toilet, which he did during 'Do Nothing' as well and GOD, I would be mortified if he did that to me and I should get secondhand embarrassment from it but I just—I'm so interested by how it's obviously a control thing? Like he makes other people feel awkward so that he doesn't have to (he basically said this himself) and so it's like, as long as he's in the position of power he feels better? (He said "this is the only way I can talk to people—raised and lit" at one point, hahaha.)

Also the support act was this Norwegian guy who I was pretty iffy about overall but he did say some really funny things about his cat.

I'm sure I'm forgetting like the MAJORITY OF THIS because my sister and I went for a glass of wine before the show but they kept panicking us with "THIS IS YOUR FINAL CALL TAKE YOUR SEATS" announcements so we drank way too fast and were a little dizzy for the first half. And then we went out to a bar afterwards and I had a Blue Hawaiian for the first time and omg you guys HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DRINK, LOOK HOW AWESOME IT IS



I took this photo on my phone and tried to tweet it but I have no idea how to do that so it didn't work. (Sidenote: every time I took out my phone during this visit, my sister asked me if I was twitting. I REALLY wanted to tweet that but she wouldn't let me but whatever I'm saying it here instead ISN'T SHE CUTE?) We also went to the park to feed squirrels and birds, and (on a separate occasion) we got two full-sized tubs of Ben & Jerry's for FREE because they were just handing them out in town. IT WAS A FUN VISIT.


I just looked at my Simon Amstell tag and it turns out I titled my entry about 'Do Nothing' with hearteyes as well. FIGURES.

(More One Direction posts to come in the next few days, don't worry. XD)
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