hardparade: (one direction; louis (drunk))
So I have a Google Analytics account, and I stopped checking it about a month ago because the stats now are actually TERRIFYING, but yesterday I was a little tipsy and curious and decided to look at it again. And first of all:


But also, I remembered that a while ago I made a post of all the most amusing Google searches that led people to my journal, and so I decided to do another one of those just for the lulz. We need them after that Mojo interview. (Which is here if you haven't seen it but man, it is TORTURE and you're probably best steering clear, trust me.) Anyway, I feel a bit mean about this because I'm sure my own Google searches are super weird but some of these are just so bizarre and hilarious that I have to share them.

louis liam interview penis - hahaha.

best latex shiner – I like this one.

boobs - I mean, lol, but also how many pages of results did this person have to go through??

i am living underwater - ......

larry stylinson what does this mean )

Good times. In other news, does anyone know of a free image hosting site that a) allows bulk uploading, b) lets you keep the original filenames, and c) doesn't freak out over bandwidth? Because it seems I basically can't have a moodtheme anymore these days, you guys keep exceeding my Photobucket bandwidth. Which is pretty AMAZING tbh because I've never had that happen before, but also filenames are kind of necessary for moodthemes and it seems like all the other image hosts just rename them to random numbers/letters. :( NEVER MIND I THINK I FIXED IT
hardparade: (celeb; anton)
Time for some amusement from the LJ Markov Random Text Generator! IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.

And then Morgan goes to her, and nobody ever told him he shouldn't speak for the doorhandle.

"No, I—" Reid protests. "Don't get rid of his neck.

Charlie Bartlett begins around the room to Nathan Harris's apartment, ready to make his fingers almost instantly.
Two Anton Yelchins? I approve.

Simon: Well, let's not name him. Russell: Who will remain anonymous. He could have been an octopus.

"With all due respect, sir," Garcia interrupts him , you weirdo."
Omg, spluttering with laughter right now.

The two of them are so wonderfully fucked up (unlike Shane)
HA in what universe does that bit in brackets make any sense.

His living room slowly takes shape around him in surprise. )

In other news, I started watching American Horror Story, which was the WORST DECISION. I can't stand horror or gore of basically any kind, and have to watch the whole thing through my fingers, but I'm totally hooked. I only started watching because adorable psychos with mommy issues are kind of my kryptonite. (I knooow Tate is a monster but I AM SO FASCINATED BY HIM.) I also started rereading the Harry Potter books, which was obviously the best decision – I can't believe it took me so long to get around to it. I reread The Shoebox Project first, so then when I got to Prisoner of Azkaban I was like, STUPIDLY emotional. I basically feel like I've been punched in the gut with reminders of all my Remus/Sirius feelings, and auuuuuugh, OTP forever and ever and ever. ;_; I kind of want to post a fanmix because I've had a Remus/Sirius playlist for YEARS and never actually done anything with it.
hardparade: (narnia; anna)
Okay, so this is completely random, but hopefully amusing. I've had a Google Analytics account for a while now, and I mostly forget that it exists but occasionally check out the traffic sources and what gets the most views etc when I remember. And I recently discovered that I can see how people find my journal via search engines, like what searches have led them here. And some of them are totally baffling and hilarious.

And I feel kind of bad, because I'm absolutely certain that the majority of my Google searches are totally bizarre, and sometimes things look totally weird if you don't understand the context, but—I have to share, okay?

Under the cut. )

So, yeah. I'm glad that people are ending up here even if it's a total accident. HI, EVERYBODY!

In other news, I've become interested in Jedward again, because of Celebrity Big Brother. D: Ugh, I can't help it, okay? Like, me and twincest, it's just like a moth to a flame. The worst part is that I started watching purely for the little inappropriate moments, and now I've ended up a) completely hooked on the show in general and b) genuinely liking the twins as people. THEY'RE SO ADORABLE. I think they would drive me insane if I had to actually live with them, but as entertainment you can't really beat them. And they're just so positive about everything and so childlike in their view of the world and like, I actually kind of admire them in a weird way? I HOPE THEY WIN. WHAT EVEN.

I can now tell them apart probably 99% of the time without a problem, which worries me. And holy crap Edward is hot. And seriously, they are SO INCESTUOUS, it is fantastic. Obviously I am writing fic pretty much as we speak. You are all going to defriend me now y/n
hardparade: (narnia; ben (being weird))
So, you know a while ago I came across all those scans of retro gay porn magazines? And I've been posting the pictures from them that I like the most? WELL, I've also been saving other pictures from them, purely because they made me crack up/do a double-take/basically go 'wtf' and stare at the screen in bewilderment. And I thought it might lower the tone if I mixed them up with the others, soooo: this is a whole post devoted to the weirdest parts of those magazines.

Actually, I think at first I just went 'wtf' and skipped right over them, so it's not ALL the weirdest parts, but there's still some pretty weird/entertaining stuff.

I just thought this one was cute.

NFSW from here on out! )

Sadly, that is all. I have plenty more of the gay porn that actually succeeded in being nice to look at, though, so expect more of that in the near future!
hardparade: (narnia; will & skandar & anna (dt))
First of all, everyone should go and read my judgement's getting kind of hazy by [livejournal.com profile] moogle62. It involves Ben serenading Skandar with Ke$ha lyrics. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW, it is absolutely hilarious. ♥

And speaking of hilarious things, it's LJ Markov Random Text Generator time! There are a lot, because they were really amusing me this time.

But she can't see why this is, but she doesn't approve. Incidentally, can anyone else feel like things can last forever. And they don't, but he doesn't, and that's when she was younger, so it didn't.
This is so totally eloquent.

Will went to visit my sister for Thanksgiving.
This did not happen. (It'd be pretty cool if it did, though.)

asked if it's difficult playing a character without much of a rifle

Ben tosses the towel over a chair and starts unbuttoning his own dick

And the interviewer says her fans would disagree and say she's just messing around with Ben and Skandar. (...Sounds good to me," Ben says, and it gives her ~feelings. And then at 10:55, Georgie talks about the fact that it's a face and lick it. He makes a face.
Omg lol I want to see this fictional interview.

The way Liam looks like he's talking to a Coke from Ben's fridge. )

ALSO, do you Narnia guys think we need a new kink meme? Or to revive the old kink meme? I don't want to do it if it's going to fail miserably, but it was so much fun last time and with the new movie out people might have some good kinky ideas or be wanting inspiration. THOUGHTS? (If you usually lurk, now would be a good time to say hi and share your opinion on this so I know how much interest there is.)
hardparade: (narnia; ben (being weird))
I realise I'm updating waaaay more than usual, but. I think it's LJ Markov Random Text Generator time.

making the mistake of putting on the mattress several pictures of Ben, looking startled on the altar of God
(I'm gonna warn you now: 'several pictures of Ben looking startled' is the new 'so not as good as Daniel Radcliffe'.)

several pictures of Ben, looking startled in a little bit of make-up and some high heels
(...see? Also could anyone else go for some crossdressing!Ben or is that just me.)

to see the way like he doesn't react to her ankles. She's clearly fast asleep, out like he's shoved a banana down it or something. ...Sexy.

NARNIA RPF Will/Skandar – I don't know if this was just filming with a knife to Will's arse.
(Oh god what? I don't want to read this fic.)

Silas can't get that fucking image out of sexy lyrics for these requests so I grew a beard and he hasn't been able to cope with that,
(I'm just loling at the idea of Silas Botwin not being able to cope with me growing a beard.)

Georgie doesn't actually remember saying anything about tongues in the face. No, not literally. )
hardparade: (misc; never mind the buzzcocks)
Out of utter curiosity, if I was chained up in your attic/study/basement/library/secret lair, and I had to write you one story, what would you request? (demand?) Or alternatively, what's something you always hoped I'd write but know is never going to happen?

I feel like any answers to this are probably just going to make me feel guilty. BUT I STILL WANT TO KNOW.

In other news, the LJ Markov Random Text Generator is always fun, right?

Which is funny, because Alison used to be, delivering it up into Dean. And she only just turned FIFTEEN, fffffffff

LJ thinks it's trying to feed him some wine or something but being all heroic.
(Omg I love it.)

Eventually, Will goes and shoves her head right down to it, brushed his cornsilk moustache against it
(Omg imagine Will with a moustache.)

she's in the morning is this warmth and closeness, the soft feeling of that montrous crest rumbling like a dog.
(I love all the fancy sentences that end with a totally bizarre similes. LIKE A DOG.)

(She spits; slaps him; makes him feel quite sleepy. "Er," says the man, taken aback. He drives on.

Will jerks awake at the end of 1999, so...that's interesting. )
hardparade: (disney; nick (eek))
Yeah, I'm posting the terrible '70s erotica. And I use the word 'erotica' very loosely. IT'S SO BAD. So bad. But also hilarious. And disturbing. A fun combination.

It's basically a lot of WTF excerpts I picked out from various stories. I skimmed about this many, and then decided I couldn't stand anymore, and have been sticking to the pictures alone since then. THESE MAGAZINES, YOU GUYS. Such a mixed blessing.

I was trying to figure out if I need to warn for anything, but I think the entire post needs a sort of general warning altogether.

Holy Jumping Judas! When this kid sucked you off, he went all the way!! )

*hands out brain bleach*
hardparade: (Default)


hardparade: (Default)
Hahahaha. Oh man, I love them.

hardparade: (Default)
Tagged by [livejournal.com profile] hotfruits.

The rules are that for 8 days you have to post something that made you happy that day. Tag 8 people to do the same.

I had a pretty boring day really, but one thing that did make me happy was seeing this:

Jonas Secrets in general bring the lulz, but this is one that would be funny even without the text, and I love it.

A lot of people on my flist are already doing this meme, so I'm just going to save myself the confusion and say, if you're not doing it already and you want to, consider yourself tagged!
hardparade: (Default)
I forgot about the LJ Markov Random Text Generator.


"It's okay, Skandar," Will murmurs gently, stroking him reassuringly. "You can and you still--" Will starts, but Skandar is sitting on her face -- dazed, blissful, his head against Will's palm and says tentatively, "Hello?" "It's me!" comes Anna's voice
(I adore this. It's fantastic comedy.)

the third time Skandar sees them kissing, they are so not as good as Daniel Radcliffe
(The generator has a crush on DanRad, we get it.)

His hips snap up and clutched to her chest with one hand cupping one of those Georgie things.
(Best euphemism for 'Georgie's breasts' ever.)

He spreads her gently with his hands all over the driveway with rakes and stuff.
(Wtf? Ewww.)

which Narnia author C.S. Lewis, as a softcore porn star...

More. )
hardparade: (Default)

I honestly didn't sleep at all last night. I AM RUNNING ON SQUEE.

But srsly you guys, go join [livejournal.com profile] narnia_dazzle, YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. I cannot stop laughing, seriously, I am just a giggling lunatic, it is such a good thing I'm alone in the house.


hardparade: (Default)
Yeah, I'm aware that all I'm posting about these days is Narnia. Shhh.

New article thing that I just saw on ONTD. This totally made me crack up:

Ben Barnes might be Hollywood's new heartthrob, but he knows his destiny is to have his head chewed off and one leg chucked in the dustbin.


Okay, so there WAS context, but even with it, it's weird:

Barnes is referring to the fate of the action figures that have been made in his image as Prince Caspian in the new Chronicles of Narnia film.

"It is cool, but then I remember what I did with my action figures, which is chew the heads off and smash them and make them fight each other," Barnes said.

"So my destiny is with one leg in the dustbin."

Okaaaay, Ben, whatever you say. *backs away slowly*


"In the first one he's so selfless and nice ... but in this one I really liked the fact that he wasn't perfect, and the fact that he's an anti-hero and he's angry and nasty and rude to people and doesn't give a shit - whoops, I mean doesn't care," Moseley said.

Lolol Will you are so adorable. What a sly cover-up of your swearing, there.

And he'll always have his own action figure to keep as a memento.

"It's really weird though," he laughed.

"They always make me look like I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger, and I'm like, `I don't look like this'."



Okay, I'm done now.


hardparade: (Default)

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