hardparade: (one direction; louis (drunk))
I think it's high time for a Random Text Generator post! It's been AGES. For new friends who don't know what I'm talking about, there's this thing that sort of mashes up the sentences from various recent posts you've made and turns them into...well, gibberish, for the most part, but also HILARITY. They're usually best when they take bits from fic, but because none of my recent fic has been posted here the generator can't use it, which is sad. Still, these are pretty entertaining.

But then there's just this moment of like quiet panic, and Niall leaving a restaurant
giggling helplessly

Liam is like LISTEN TO ME I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITYYY.

People are beginning to doze off on his knees backstage.

by the way Harry's the only one who's drowning now
Oh good, well, as long as it's only Harry...

at the neckline of Louis's arse in his knees
SOMEBODY TOOK LOUIS APART AND PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER WRONG

i still think we might wake up the remote.

I'M BRITISH AND I LOVE YOU. )

GOOD TIMES. Favourites, anyone? Crackfic ideas? I love this so much, I should do it more often. I'm gonna use my silly generator tags for old times' sake and add a few more, because did you know you can have FOUR THOUSAND TAGS with a paid account?? I do not use this feature enough at all.
hardparade: (misc; never mind the buzzcocks (bees))
LJ Markov Random Text Generator time! It's been a while. Most of these seem to be bizarre Narnia RPF/Criminal Minds crossovers because those are the fandoms I've been writing for most recently...

Skandar's expression is a diary.
Lol that's actually kind of a cool metaphor for like, his face showing his deepest secrets or something. Nice one, generator?

The room at 2 o'clock in the early hours, disoriented. He hasn't stepped back, his head in and rides him like he's about to cry. Skandar. Skandar, why are you so afraid of?
This creeps me out and I'm not sure why.

Ben's actually stopped wearing the vest-top and knickers, her hair hanging down.
...And the generator continues to want crossdressing!Ben. Or apparently genderswapped!Ben?

ha, this is how Ben ends up right next to him, and Reid grapples awkwardly at the carpet.
SPENCER REID/BEN BARNES. I APPROVE. Idk why Reid is on the floor but I'm not complaining.

Just then, they hear a thing.
This is hilariously vague.

She will grow concerned soon, maybe start to sit on the dark in his ears. )

OKAY THAT'S PROBABLY ENOUGH FOR NOW. I've been compiling this post while an electrician fixes our shower and I'm pretty sure he's been able to hear me attempting to stifle my laughter all this time.
hardparade: (narnia; will & skandar (hug))
Aaand, it's LJ Markov Random Text Generator time! There are a lot, they've been really good lately. Idk what that says about the state of my journal...

Reporter: Georgie, what do you like in a lesbian.
I wouldn't mind this question being asked, tbh.

Will is clearly a lie.
Last time, Ben didn't exist. Now Will is a lie? ...Clearly.

Skandar: Oh, and also, sexual activity in the sleigh
...Uhm. No comment.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he babbles, feeling exponentially stupid. How can he be planning to somehow magically cure the pain with his toy badger still.
Okay, now I want fic of Will trying to cure somebody's pain with his toy badger.

Georgie just KNEW Will would have been all over the long socks and everything!
Haha this sounds fairly reasonable.

Okay, so for some mysterious reason, no pictures have surfaced of Skandar and Will failing at subtlety. )

Now that that insanity's over with, APPARENTLY THERE IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER BIT OF MOVIE PROMOTION ON SUNDAY. Ben and Georgie are going to attend a premiere in Japan. They're the two we've seen the most of lately, but I'm not going to complain because BEN AND GEORGIE, ALONE TOGETHER AT A PREMIERE IN JAPAN. I AM EXCITE.

And finally and unrelatedly, there's that genderswap recasting meme going around on Tumblr and I LOVE IT, it's so much fun. Someone recast Effy Stonem with Skandar, and I fell in love, and then decided that Kaya Scodelario would definitely be my female!Edmund, and then that led to this being created, and then also this, mostly because Kaya Scodelario/Imogen Poots would be pretty hot. I want to do more of this but idk what else I would feel confident recasting? I thought about The Dreamers but probably Louis Garrel would be Isabelle and Eva Green would be Theo, and then there's not much point to that.

I'm rambling, I'll go away now.
hardparade: (misc; never mind the buzzcocks)
Out of utter curiosity, if I was chained up in your attic/study/basement/library/secret lair, and I had to write you one story, what would you request? (demand?) Or alternatively, what's something you always hoped I'd write but know is never going to happen?

I feel like any answers to this are probably just going to make me feel guilty. BUT I STILL WANT TO KNOW.

In other news, the LJ Markov Random Text Generator is always fun, right?

Which is funny, because Alison used to be, delivering it up into Dean. And she only just turned FIFTEEN, fffffffff
(?!?!?!)

LJ thinks it's trying to feed him some wine or something but being all heroic.
(Omg I love it.)

Eventually, Will goes and shoves her head right down to it, brushed his cornsilk moustache against it
(Omg imagine Will with a moustache.)

she's in the morning is this warmth and closeness, the soft feeling of that montrous crest rumbling like a dog.
(I love all the fancy sentences that end with a totally bizarre similes. LIKE A DOG.)

(She spits; slaps him; makes him feel quite sleepy. "Er," says the man, taken aback. He drives on.

Will jerks awake at the end of 1999, so...that's interesting. )
hardparade: (Default)
MORE '70S PORN. (Some of it is actually '60s and possibly '80s too, if that matters. I felt I should clarify.) The ridiculous porno moustaches I was expecting have finally shown up, but you'll be glad to know that I have avoided them. Also the porn seems to have been getting generally more hilarious and I've had to start a whole separate collection of things to post that have made me go "WHAT."

But these are just more of the beautiful-hot kind for now. And...okay, it could well be that I've just been looking at too many pictures of strangers' penises (penii?), but I'm pretty sure that in certain pictures, I see resemblances to Daniel Radcliffe and Jamie Hince. Also Bob Dylan, and Eric from That '70s Show. Which kind of figures.

...Kind of.

Anyway, I do feel like this could easily turn into a game of SPOT THE CELEBRITY LOOK-A-LIKE. So, on with the pornography. Lol, I am totally tagging this entry with 'so not as good as daniel radcliffe'.



if you do it with a twist, yes, artistically. )
hardparade: (celeb; the veronicas)
I am bored and slightly drunk and Tumblr is full of fail tonight, so, time for a bit more LJ Markov Random Text Generator weirdness.

"It's really—a great chance to work before his mind, possibly in a way that's dangerously close to Noel Fielding, which is pointless, seeing as I know some people think it's something to do a spit-take.
(I think I just like the phrase 'dangerously close to Noel Fielding'.)

Skandar reddens, but then Will is riding him, so it's a shame that some other women— straight women—apparently don't see this
(That is a shame.)

Skandar feels lips brush against his stomach. He brushes his hand over his head, stroke, suddenly grasp a handful of hair as his head hastily, ducks back down onto his straining stomach and sending each other up. It's awesome.
(I should totally write fic this way.)

Her body bends backwards 'til she's leaning into the same way she takes him a moment then she's pressing down with her fists, makes her nerves spark, with anger and hurt and some brief bedtime bathing
(AHAHA.)

He wants a real dick in his general direction. )

In other news, today I bought these jeans for only £15, thanks to a sale and a Topshop voucher. I haven't bought jeans for like...at least four years, so this is a big deal. They are acid wash, though, so I don't expect anybody else to actually like them. (Why do people hate acid wash so much??)

Alsooooo, please formspring.me? I'm avoiding sleep and Psychology revision and would like to answer some random questions about life and love and sex and fandom and basically anything that comes into your head.
hardparade: (skins; tony)
Oh, LJ Markov Random Text Generator, it's been far too long. I've missed these.

He loses control, driving deep into Effy and coming harder than he ever wear hats?
(I love this sentence.)

She takes a swig of the bed, and the prostitute and he pulls back further.
(...what.)

Nick may've lost some innocence tonight but there's something about how WAIT, BILL HAS TOM'S FACE
(LMAO WHAT. Nick/Kaulitz twins? Him only just realising that they are, in fact, twins? I don't even know.)

Anna, paging through a magazine on the lips, then, slowly, and sorts out her own clothes. "Fuck," she echoes, following Effy out of focus so close, as Effy's fingertip runs gently down her hair.
(This is just here because it sounds like Anna/Effy and that's a totally hot mental image.)

Effy suddenly seems really, really weird to go out and then the quiet sound of Dwayne's erratic breathing echoing in his hands.
(Actually, I have secretly always wanted a Skins/Little Miss Sunshine crossover of Effy/Dwayne, purely because they were both mute and I think it would be kinda cute and hot at the same time.)

Shortly after, Skandar received a phone box for some reason. )


If you've just tuned into this sort of insanity, you might want to check out my tags for you've ruined my fucking abba musical and so not as good as daniel radcliffe.
hardparade: (Default)
I forgot about the LJ Markov Random Text Generator.

First of all, BEN BARNES NEEDS TO STOP WRITING THREESOMES. THAT IS CLEARLY INSANE.

"It's okay, Skandar," Will murmurs gently, stroking him reassuringly. "You can and you still--" Will starts, but Skandar is sitting on her face -- dazed, blissful, his head against Will's palm and says tentatively, "Hello?" "It's me!" comes Anna's voice
(I adore this. It's fantastic comedy.)

the third time Skandar sees them kissing, they are so not as good as Daniel Radcliffe
(The generator has a crush on DanRad, we get it.)

His hips snap up and clutched to her chest with one hand cupping one of those Georgie things.
(Best euphemism for 'Georgie's breasts' ever.)

He spreads her gently with his hands all over the driveway with rakes and stuff.
(Wtf? Ewww.)

which Narnia author C.S. Lewis, as a softcore porn star...
(Rofl.)

More. )
hardparade: (Default)
More from the LJ Markov Random Text Generator. :D

As unexpected as Ben's arrival was, Will is gay.
(I love how these two things are totally unrelated.)

the ones of Georgie slowly peeling off her shoes and stepping onto the bed in search of old ringbinders.
(HAHA GEORGIE SLEEPS WITH OLD RINGBINDERS.)

Summary: It's no good trying to work with the lube.
(Someone should write a fic with this summary, ahaha.)

It's really cool being able to take Anna's hand in hers, and said "Please, dear, call me Zelfa,"
(Um. Is this Anna/Skandar's Mum??)

I told you it was a little too excited to think that if -- if -- if -- Skandar ," Will spits out, frowning at him. "I suppose you can simply say 'Will/Ben, exhibitionism' or whatever, which apparently means he was on the carousel.)
(Lol is this Will talking about slash again? Also when have I ever been talking about a carousel, wtf.)

More. )
hardparade: (Default)
I might have to do regular updates of these, they're amazing. My fic's on LJ now so these ones have bits of that, which is fun.

Also porn, which I still would never ever read it unless Skandar has some important involvement. Oh, wait, no, I just made that up.
(I love this, it sounds like it could be an actual part of one of my entries.)

Skandar was jealous of all the umbrellas in his dressing gown doing sudoku!
(THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD.)

You know? Anyway, I asked Ben for more than her, and he will be forever thankful for that. "It means there's still more to give it to be," Ben says, chuckling as he watches Anna flushed and breathless and sticky all over, in desperate need of a standstill and felt more relieved than he thought it would go back to the knuckle, letting Skandar get closer.
(This is so weird, because it sounds like a Ben/Anna/Skandar threesome, and I'm totally writing one of those.)

She supposes they're pretty fucking close already at the cameras, his heart in his boxers.
(...That...shouldn't be there.)

Things are now back to the new lube suspiciously. "Nothing that's meant to be a surprise, but I guess we got what we paid for.
(HAHAHA.)


Even more. )
hardparade: (Default)
I just discovered the LJ Markov Generator which basically takes parts of sentences from your journal and mashes them together, and like...a lot of it was just nonsense, but I've picked out some bits that made a bit more sense and I found them HILARIOUS.

and then the interviewer grabs Skandar's arm and is like "Last time I saw these just now on narnia_dazzle . :/
(I really love the idea of an interview grabbing Skandar's arm and saying something about [livejournal.com profile] narnia_dazzle, tbh.)

You can be as detailed as you like, explaining exactly what you want to read, or you can show up at my house completely unannounced
(Hahaha noooo, srsly, don't do that.)

Lolol I was like, yay threesome! But what really surprised me was how much Georgie's grown and I'm okay with admitting that. BUT it was still so cool.
(LOL WHAT THIS SOUNDS SO WRONG!)

HAHAHAHAHA. THAT IS ALL FOR NOW. I HAVE A COLD.
(Idek why but this one made me laugh SO MUCH.)

THERE IS SOME SERIOUSLY GOOD PORN BEING POSTED, GO SEE GO SEE. I AM SO GLAD I POSTED IT BECAUSE FUCK, THERE IS NO NEED FOR THAT.
(Am I glad? Or not? WHO KNOWS.)

Moseley will not feature in any film ever. I'M REALLY QUITE PROUD OF IT, OKAY.
(AHAHAHAHA. Clearly I have sabotaged his career?)


MOAR. )
And after that it all turned into gobbledigook.

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