*sigh*

[hardparade]

OKAY. THIS IS IT, YOU GUYS. I'M COMING OUT OF THE JEDWARD CLOSET.

If you're in the UK, you probably know what I'm talking about. And you're probably shaking your head in despair right about now. And I understand that, I do. I hated them at first. I could barely watch their performances due to secondhand embarrassment, and I was so full of RAGE when Lucie got sent home instead of them. (I really only wanted her to stay because she was so ridiculously pretty, but still.)

And then somewhere along the way (irritatingly, it was like the week before they were eliminated) I started to like them. I think I always knew, deep down, that the twin thing would get me eventually.


I'M SORRY, BUT THE UNIVERSE CANNOT PRESENT ME WITH A PAIR OF PRETTY IRISH TWINS WHO POSE FOR PICTURES LIKE THIS, AND EXPECT ME JUST TO IGNORE IT.

Seriously, what is this? Who poses twins like this unless they want to see them making out? And what twins are totally okay with it and don't say to the sleazy photographer, "hey, you know, this is a little bit incestuous"? JOHN AND EDWARD GRIMES, THAT'S WHO. (Also, Harry and Luke Treadaway, because making out on camera is pretty much a hobby for them.)

If you don't know who I'm talking about, by the way, John and Edward are 18 year old twins from Ireland who entered The X Factor this year, despite being unable to sing or dance or...well, do much of anything that The X Factor requires. But somehow they managed to make it like, seven weeks or something. Because they were entertaining, just not in the way they probably intended to be. Also, they're totally in love with each other, and don't really bother to hide it. The whole of the UK refers to them with a SHIP NAME. Which they approve of because (and I quote), "it's kind of cool, like Brangelina."


The only performance of theirs you'll ever need to see is when they did Britney Spears' Oops I Did It Again, complete with red leather suits. Yes, you will most likely want to die of secondhand embarrassment, but it's all worth it for the moment from 1.00-1.20 when THEY ACTUALLY ACT OUT THE WHOLE NECKLACE BIT FROM THE VIDEO. Longing glances and all.

Oh man.

Honestly, I never found them attractive until I saw them with their hair down, because I just couldn't take them seriously with it sticking up like that. The hair distracts from their faces, which are really quite pretty.


Look! Pretty!






Edward's thiiiighs.



If you're wondering which twin is which, I...really can't do much to help with that. Usually, I'm really good at telling twins apart, and this is like the first time I've had trouble. To be fair though, they don't really make much effort to get people to distinguish between the two of them. Except that, usually, if you're looking at them, John is on the left with Edward is on the right. I do know I find one more attractive than the other, and I think it's Edward.

Really, my general rule is just that if one of them keeps looking at the other like he desperately wants to jump his bones...that's Edward. See here:

Helpfully included in this video are ten facts about them. Be prepared for a lot of rambling, and ridiculous lists of pets and foods, and the two of them talking over each other constantly and arguing over their favourite colour. Also be prepared for finding it kind of hot at the end when John says "I'm John..." and they both lick their lips at the same time and Edward just says "You know."

...Not that I did, or anything. Just a warning. *coughs*

Anyway, you either found them incredibly annoying, or sort of adorable and endearing. That seems to be how it goes.

Really though, it hardly matters, when they do photoshoots like this.


I'M SORRY I JUST CAN'T GET OVER IT.









...There's more. (With sucky quality, sorry about that.)


I think what the photographer was pretending to go for was kind of a mirror image effect?


But that was quickly shot down when he wanted them to hold each other as well as standing nose-to-nose and gazing into each other's eyes.













Shall we have some quotes before moving on to more pictures? I think in written interviews there's a lot of editing people have to do so that what the twins say actually makes basic sense, and sometimes...well, sometimes it still doesn't, but we get the gist.

First of all, they want to make sure we all know they don't really care about girls:

• 'We haven't really had a girlfriend, like a proper girlfriend,' says John. Edward interrupts, 'We don't see girls in that "Oh-she's-hot" way.' Except Britney?
  
  They both nod, quiffs quivering – they are big fans of the US singer.
  
  'The thing about me and John,' Edward continues. 'We don't do the cliché thing. Guys think they need to have a girlfriend and say, "I love you, I love you". They see it on the movies and think that's what's expected. We say, "Come on guys, this is Ireland, not Laguna Beach." There's a lot more to girls than just having sex. It's different caring for someone in a mature way. We think sex is a bit amateurish.'
  
  OK, so I think we've established you're virgins. Ever been kissed?
  
  'Lots of girls throw themselves at me and Edward,' says John. 'We could easily. It's just not us, not our main focus.'
  
  
• Who was more popular with the girls?
  Edward: To be honest with you, we didn't have much time for girls at school when we were younger because we were so busy training for our long-distance runs. We love running. We run everywhere.
  
  You didn't fancy any girls at school?
  John: Girls? Er, no, they're our friends. There's always been girls... but no, they're our friends.

...yeah. Also, they really want us to know just how much they love each other and are ~a unit~:

• Edward: If I argued with John, it'd be like arguing with myself.
  
  
• John: Why would we ever fall out? Who else would I talk to?
  Edward: People ask if we would ever go solo. How could we? We are brothers and we have to live together.
  
  
• John was born ten minutes earlier than Edward on 16 October, 1991, and grew up in the village of Rathangan, Co Kildare, with their brother, Kevin, who is a year older.
  
  They shared a bunk bed until they were ten, when their father, John, a computer expert, and mother, Susanna, a secondary school teacher, separated and they moved, with their mother, to the Dublin suburb of Lucan and 'proper' beds – although they continued to share a bedroom.
  
  'We bounce off each other, work together as a unit,' says Edward. 'If I buy a top, John can wear it as well. We're always in the same mindset. What I say represents him and vice-versa. What we want to do, we do together. We don't want to do it alone.
  'Sometimes, people come and say, "I like you better than John". I'm like, "Don't say that". I see John as my ultimate friend. I look to him. I don't need to look to anyone else.'
  
  
• Do you share a bedroom at home?
  Edward: Yeah, we've always shared. We had bunk beds until we were 7.
  John: I was on top until I realised it was weird because it was like I was floating in the air. We got normal beds after that.
  
  
• "We’re both our own person, but we’re twins," John replies, before pointing to his brother. "We can talk for each other, whatever he’d say, I’d say."
  
  
• Edward turns towards his brother, absent-mindedly reshaping his hair. They groom each other, like a pair of otherworldy albino chimps.
  
  
• Have you always dressed the same?
  John: We've always had the same style-- ties and shirts.
  Edward: Some mornings we'll get dressed, walk out the front door, and realise we're wearing the same thing-- and we haven't planned to!
  
  Do you have any other telepathic tendencies?
  Edward: I'll start humming a song and John will say, "I'm singing that in my head."
  John: If Edward gets ill, I do too. So we'll both stay off school. There's no point in me going anyway-- what's John without Edward?
  
  
• What's the longest you've been apart?
  John: Probably when I went to the toilet in this interview for five minutes [laughs].
  Edward: Maybe a day? It would only have been for a very short time, he's my best friend and we're never apart. We're a unit.

And finally, they're hilarious, no matter how unintentionally:

• We meet at Cowell's Syco offices in west London, where Russell the publicist tells me, 'I'm going to lock you all in that room so they can't disappear. They're like ducks, those two, always wandering off.'
  
  Edward, it turns out, went to the gents during the last meeting here and didn't come back for 20 minutes. They eventually found him in a completely different record label's offices looking at a Britney Spears video. When they turned up for this interview, they were marshalled in by a security guard who grumbled, 'Lovely lads, but I need a pair of those extendible dog leads.'
  
  And the lads are lovely – in a very wired, weird way. So much so that I wonder if they've been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder.
  
  'Why do you think we're AC/DC?' asks John, completely misunderstanding. I spell it out – A-D-D. Oh, forget it.
  
  
• Edward: The weird thing about Christmas is that you go to your dogs and say, "It's Christmas!" and they don't even know the difference. They think it's any other day, even though you've given them Christmas cards.
  
  
• On being pelted with bottles at a nightclub this week by anti-Jedward fans: "The bottles came flying from the crowd but we didn't need to be hydrated - we were fine.
  "It added to our stage show. A special effect."
  
  And when I asked them how they had such thick skins John replied: "We haven't. But could you imagine if we had really thick skin? We'd just look so weird."
  
  
• Edward on love: It’s when two people just get each other, like if you both like a really cool dog.
  
  
• Edward on Ghostbusters: It's like made for that movie, it's not just a soundtrack and it more like fits the movie so well, because it's called Ghostbusters, and the song's called Ghostbusters, and you're singing about ghost busters, who are busting ghosts.
  
  
• Edward: It’s weird because when everyone was talking about Mars, I thought they meant Mars bars. It’s like "let’s go to Mars" and I’m like "what? There’s a big box of them over there."

I'm sorry, they're just kind of charmingly dim. ♥ And also pretty, let's not forget the pretty.












Lulz.


...




It's a mirror, okay, but he's a twin, surely he knows what that looks like?!














...There is nothing heterosexual about this picture.


Or this one.


...Or this one.

See, their performances can be pretty incestuous too. See 0:40 of this video (and feel free to mute):

This is from a video of an interview that actually genuinely happened.


Seriously.

Another thing that actually genuinely happened was on some kind of random extra part of The X Factor that involved cooking (don't ask me), and the twins had to make an omelette with one using the other's arms, which resulted in this:







Yeah, I like to save the best til last sometimes.

SO IN CONCLUSION...I CLEARLY HAVE NO TASTE. And if you'd like to join me in this, I recommend checking out Fuck Yeah Jedward, Jedward Genius, their twitter, and the twincest-friendly john_and_edward. :)