hardparade: (Default)
likecharity ([personal profile] hardparade) wrote2007-08-04 05:35 pm

five times drake & josh kissed, drake/josh, r

I figured I'd start out with a nice, safe, 'five times' fic. Those are always fun.

Title: five times drake & josh kissed
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Drake/Josh
Rating: R, to be safe
Warnings: Stepbrothers doing things they shouldn't?
Summary: See title.
A/N: New fandom! Hooray. Keep in mind I've only seen about six episodes, so if any of the canon in this story (...not that there's much of that) is wildly inaccurate, that'd be the reason.


One.

The first time is because Drake got him tickets (and backstage passes) to go see Oprah. That was more than enough of a reason as far as Josh was concerned.

Sure, it may have been a little inappropriate, and it'd been quite a task persuading Megan not to put the photo all over the internet (that was twenty dollars he'd never see again, and he had the horrible feeling he was really only paying for her to buy more evil equipment to attack him and Drake with), but he couldn't help it, he was so happy. He'd kiss pretty much anyone in the world if they got him tickets (and backstage passes) to Oprah.

He was just a little concerned about how much he thought about it afterwards, how much time he spent justifying it, when the only person he was trying to convince was himself.


Two.

The second time, they were drunk, so it's not like that meant anything. Drake got pretty touchy-feely once he had some alcohol in him, and it's not like Josh was just going to shove him onto the floor when he collapsed in his lap.

"You have soft pants," Drake had slurred, settling his head against Josh's knees and squinting up at his face as he tilted a bottle in the general direction of his face, missed, and poured some of it down his front. He didn't appear to notice. "Soooooft. Pants," he repeated for emphasis.

Josh pressed his lips together but a laugh escaped anyway. He spluttered, looking down at Drake's blurry features. "Good to know," he grinned.

"Pants," said Drake again, now ignoring Josh completely. He furrowed his brow, apparently deep in thought. "That's one weird word, isn'it?"

Josh blinked at him. The room was kind of spinning around, or maybe it was the couch, or it could even have been Josh himself—he had no idea—but whatever it was, it was making it difficult to focus on anything. He took another sip of whatever the hell was in the glass he was holding—something brown and foul-tasting, he couldn't remember what it'd said on the label; the two of them had just raided Dad's liquor cabinet and gathered together whatever they could find—and listened happily to Drake's babbling.

"Like rhinocerous. RHI-nocerous. Nocerous. Noss-err-us," Drake went on.

"What?"

"What?"

"I dunno."

Josh nodded solemnly and took another sip of his drink. Drake made a series of strange facial expressions and then nodded with him.

"Pants," he said again, cracking up with laughter. "Pants, pants, pants."

"Stop saying pants," said Josh, "you're making it sound weird."

"That's the whole point," Drake informed him happily. "Pants. Pants. Pants, pants, pants—"

"If you don't stop—" Josh threatened, having no clue what was going to come next.

"PANTS, PANTS," Drake shouted, his face breaking into a huge grin.

Josh did the first thing that occurred to him, which, for some unknown reason, was to lean down and press his lips right against Drake's. Sideways.

"You're the wrong way up," Drake said against his lips, breathing alcohol-air into his mouth.

"Oh, I am, am I?" Josh murmured. "I think you'll find that's you."

But he twisted his head anyway, and did it again, and this time neither of them said anything, and neither of them laughed or moved away in disgust to wipe their mouth. Drake parted his lips slowly and Josh tasted a really quite disgusting mix of beer and rum and didn't even care all that much. Drake's hand was snaking up his back, underneath his t-shirt. He started to worry about the fact that his pants were beginning to feel a little tighter than usual, but got distracted by the word 'pants' and began to giggle.

Drake joined in for no apparent reason, and then, without warning, rolled off the couch and threw up on Josh's shoes.

The next morning, he appeared not to remember a single thing.


Three.

The third time didn't technically happen, because it was in Josh's subconcious, but he liked to count it anyway because it felt pretty damn real at the time. It was about a week after their drunken misadventure, and Josh had spent all of that time wishing it was him who'd lost bits of his memory instead of Drake, because he could remember every single detail of the night. He remembered the feel of Drake's warm, strong hand on his bare skin, the softness of Drake's liquor-tasting lips against his, the way it felt so comfortable. The main detail, really, the only thing he needed to remember, was that the kiss had not felt wrong or disgusting or repulsive at all. Therefore, something was obviously wrong with him.

In his dream, he and Drake were on a boat for some reason. The boat was a rather eye-arresting shade of pink, and mostly consisted of a zoo. Drake was trying to persuade Josh to come and have a look at a rhinocerous. All in all, it was a pretty normal dream for Josh—it had all the regular bizarre aspects he was used to.

Until he and Drake began making out next to the tigers.

It would've been okay, probably, if he'd been able to just dismiss it as a weird dream. Which he might have been able to do, a few months ago. But not now. It didn't help that he woke up with a hard-on that was almost painful, and the only other dream he could remember having that night was one about playing chess with George Clooney—not something that was likely to get him excited. But then again—since when was dreaming about kissing his step-brother something that was likely to get him excited?

It only made it worse that when he leapt out of bed and into the shower as quick as he could to deal with his problem, the dream just kept coming back to him. In the end he gave in and just let the images replay in his mind, let his hand tighten; speed up; twist in just the way he loved; until he was coming so hard he grabbed hold of the shower curtain and ended up pulling it off.

And, of course, Drake just had to burst in on him (stupid, stupid broken bathroom lock), wearing nothing but boxers (too small, thanks to Drake's weird phobia of buying underwear) and asking what was wrong.

Josh wrapped himself in the now-loose shower curtain, shooing his brother away, and Drake blurted out apologies and made a quick exit.

The worst part of the whole thing was that after that experience, the dream was the only thing he was able to think about while he was jacking off, and it somehow always made his orgasms about ten times more intense.


Four.

Some guy at school was having a Halloween party. Josh had been debating for ages about whether or not to go, making up various excuses that were all cover-ups for the fact that he wasn't sure he'd be able to cope with spending the whole time with Drake and his date-of-the-week. She was a nice girl, pretty as usual, tall, with cute chin-length dark hair and little twinkly eyes, and he could see why Drake had gone for her.

But it still hurt. He'd seen the two of them on a couple of dates already, and both times he'd felt a strange tugging in his heart and had to excuse himself in order to go and sit quietly somewhere and bang his head against a wall.

Drake was going dressed up as Dracula and had spent a good couple of days before the party insisting that everybody called him 'Drake-ula'. Josh refused to do this, and, as the party got closer, eventually refused to go. Drake went anyway, which he supposed he should have expected.

About half an hour after Drake left, Megan turned up, telling Josh the sleepover she'd been invited to had got cancelled. She seemed furious, and Josh realised quickly that it would be much better to be miserable for a whole night at a party than tortured for a whole night by his little sister at home. He stopped at a cheap little costume shop on the way there, but to his disappointment the only thing they had left was some ridiculous cat costume, all shiny tight black stuff that made his skin itch, and a mask with little yellow slitty bits for the eyes that he could barely see out of.

He took it anyway, and bought a giant black cloak thing that was good for two reasons—one, it helped him keep warm because they were having a particularly cold October this year, and two, it did a good job of covering up the way he looked in spandex.

He'd only been at the party for about twelve seconds when Drake appeared out of nowhere, grabbed him around the waist, and planted a (thankfully fang-less) kiss on his lips. He peered at Drake through the yellow cellophane covering his eyes. Yes, it was Drake, underneath all the white make-up and black eyeliner. He was sure of it. He blinked a few more times, trying to make his vocal chords get their act together and do something useful.

"Where'd you disappear off to, Em?" Drake asked before Josh had a chance to speak, and his face fell. He gulped and shrugged, and Drake echoed his shrug, leaning in to embrace him once again. He really, really should have stepped away, revealed himself, even just run away, but he didn't. He pulled his brother closer and gave him one hell of a kiss, then scampered off down the stairs without a word, disgusted at himself.

On his way down, he passed someone in an identical costume to his, and it all became clear. He hoped Drake would not choose this night to become clever and insightful and the sort of person who worked these things out, and hurried off into the cold dark night, swatting third-grade trick-or-treaters away as he made his way back home.


Five.

Megan had an astonishingly large collection of magazines. Josh would not have expected this of her, but it was true. The proof was right in front of his eyes, spread all across her carpet. Every magazine was open at the same page. 'Advice.' Whether the advice came from someone called Psychic Susie or someone called Agony Aunt Annie, he didn't care. He just needed answers.

He couldn't believe he was looking at advice pages in magazines. He'd been an advice columnist, and now he couldn't even give himself some good advice. He must not've been very good at his job after all.

On his hands and knees on the carpet, he pored over the pages, searching for a heading something along the lines of 'Help me! I'm in love with my stepbrother!' He didn't care that the letter, if he found one, would have come from a girl—the problem was the same.

But there was nothing to be found. He stood up and stomped angrily on Psychic Susie's face, cursing. His problem was obviously too disgusting, too taboo to even be spoken about in a magazine.

Drake wandered past the open door, humming to himself. Josh ranted silently to himself about how maybe he'd be able to stop these feelings if Drake didn't spend all his time sashaying around in tight jeans and playing his guitar with his hair hanging over his face in a way that made Josh want to tuck it behind his ear and...

Drake backstepped into view, interrupting Josh's train of thought and frowning at him as he stood in the doorway.

"Why're you in Megan's room?" he asked. Fair question.

"I was going to..." said Josh weakly. "Steal her magazines?"

Drake just frowned. "Because...?"

Josh couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something odd about the way Drake was acting. Something about the way he kept glancing nervously at the open pages of the magazines, and the way he was tapping his fingers anxiously against his thigh. Before Josh could answer—not that he had an answer planned—Drake dropped to the floor and grabbed a magazine, clutching it tightly to his chest.

"Uh," said Josh. "What?"

"I'm..." Drake said weakly. "Helping you steal her magazines?"

Josh reached out and carefully pried the magazine out of Drake's hands. Well, he tried to. Drake was holding onto it so tightly that he eventually had to just tear the page out, and it ripped in half. Drake looked down at the part of the page he still had, and his face fell, giving Josh the general idea that he had whatever Drake didn't want him to see.

He looked down.

Help me, Psychic Susie! the page read, I think I'm in love with my stepbrother.

He looked up.

Drake tried his best to look innocent and clueless. Usually, he was rather good at this, but it wasn't working now.

Susie, I have a serious problem. I think I'm in love with my stepbrother. We've been good friends for a few years now but now I'm starting to think my feelings are something stronger than that. A few nights ago we kissed when we were drunk, but neither of us has mentioned it since then, even though I can't stop thinking about it. I keep trying to turn my attention to other, er, boys, but it doesn't work. Please help me! – Drakina in San Diego.

Josh swallowed and looked back up.

Drake was biting his lip. "You didn't read the response," he said. "Psychic Susie went on for almost a whole page about how sick and wrong the whole thing was, and that she had a 'vision' of our parents finding out and both dying of heart attacks."

Josh stifled a laugh. He couldn't believe he could even want to laugh in a situation like this. "Drakina?" was all he said.

"Shut up," snapped Drake, but he was starting to laugh too.

"It was me in the cat costume," Josh admitted suddenly, unable to keep that secret any longer.

"I know," said Drake, "I found it under your bed."

Josh blushed. "You don't mind?"

Drake gestured to the scrap of magazine in Josh's hand, then said, "You're a better kisser than her anyway."

Josh smiled in a way that threatened to burst his whole face. "Really?" he said in a small voice.

Drake rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, but don't go all soppy on me or anything, I might just have to leave."

Josh took a step closer, letting the scrap of paper flutter to the floor, and grabbed Drake by the waist. Their lips met softly, gently, moving slowly, until Josh parted Drake's lips with his tongue and then it was just like in his dream—weird, right and wrong at the same time, but perfect.

They both completely forgot that they were in Megan's room until they heard her coughing politely in the doorway.

Megan stood looking at them, her arms crossed, and Josh sighed and took his wallet out of his pocket.

"I have a feeling it's going to take more than twenty bucks this time, bro," Drake muttered in his ear, but Josh decided he really didn't care.

[identity profile] jennilokay.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)
lmfao.
i havent finished this yet, but i just realized i'm watchin g drake and josh right now xD
i'll finish it noww

[identity profile] jennilokay.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 05:11 pm (UTC)(link)
this shouldn't have made me giggle as much as it did.
But, ahhahahah!
I loved itt.
and Megan, hahaha, that would be her place.
Drakina, yes, Drake is stupid enough to do that.

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Hahaha no I'm glad, it was meant to be amusing, mostly. I'm glad you liked it, thank you!
And ha, for a minute I wondered if I was insulting his intelligence with the 'Drakina' thing, and then I was like, "What intelligence?" and just went ahead and wrote it. XD

[identity profile] poisonivory.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 05:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my goodness, this is completely adorable. So, so cute! *loves it* Oh, Josh.

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! Oh, Josh, indeed. :D

[identity profile] madeitsimple.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
i just can't even express how much i love this <333

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 07:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow! Thank you so much. <3

Also: I love your icons, they're awesome.

[identity profile] footielove.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
God it's awesome ♥

Josh in a cat costume is made of awesome! XD lol

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 07:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much!!

Haha yes I had quite a giggle to myself picturing that. XD

[identity profile] footielove.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 07:11 pm (UTC)(link)
I love your icon ♥

[identity profile] retice.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 09:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Great story. <3
I love how in character all of it is!

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much!! I'm glad it was in character, ha. :)

[identity profile] milkdress.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 11:04 pm (UTC)(link)
cute : )

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks!
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-05 09:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you!
Haha that idea didn't even come to me until I already had Josh looking through the magazines, but I'm glad you liked it!! <3

[identity profile] ignorethissign.livejournal.com 2007-08-04 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)
OK, I think I might just have to divide this into five parts as well...

One: tickets (and backstage passes) XD

Two: You're the wrong way up... and the whole "PANTS!" business, of course! :D

Three: Josh's (weird) dreams and his wrapping himself in the shower curtain! And I really liked the idea of Drake having some weird phobia of buying underwear LOL

Four: The costumes!! Josh in spandex plus mention of "Drake-ula" XDDD And I simply LOVED Josh's reaction to Drake's assault ^__^

Five: First off: Awwwww...
Advice column + good advice... tight jeans, Drakina... XD
And the pretense of stealing Meg's magazines and Drake's way of helping Josh do it... LOL

In one sentence: Simply PRICELESS!!! :D

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-05 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Squee! Thank you so much, I do love a good detailed comment. *is a whore for compliments*

I'm really glad you liked it, and all those little bits I put in that I wasn't even sure people would notice. So yay. :D

[identity profile] ignorethissign.livejournal.com 2007-08-07 06:51 am (UTC)(link)
You're VEEERY welcome! :D That comment wasn't nearly detailed enough yet, but it was really late when I wrote it and that was all I could jumble together in my sleepy state as I simply couldn't NOT comment ^^ (who isn't ;))

I know, people seem to not pay much attention to things like that, but I'm a sucker for little tidbits such as this ^^ I think it's one of the criteria that makes a really good fanfiction, and you did very well in that area indeed :)

[identity profile] spadix.livejournal.com 2007-08-05 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
:D I like it. I need to watch this show now...

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-05 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! And yes, you really do. XD
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-05 09:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Yaaay I'm so glad. Thank you. And, phew, I'm glad they're in character, after only a few episodes I wasn't sure. Bizarre dreams are indeed fantastic, I enjoyed reading about yours!! :P

[identity profile] insaneboingo.livejournal.com 2007-08-05 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
You need to never stop writing EVER. I swear I'm going to send you something nice for Christmas/your birthday because I don't think you you get enough love for your writing.

Seriously. This is so wonderful, I think you're sucking me into a new fandom. Like you do.

Fantastic. ♥

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-05 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't think there's much danger of me stopping writing!! And, SRSLY? I think I get lots of love for my writing, it's always quite surprising and lovely.

Hooray! New fandoms are always exciting.

I'm so glad you liked it, thank you thank you thank you.

[identity profile] tab00-l0ve.livejournal.com 2007-08-06 09:16 am (UTC)(link)
I must say, this is one of the best in character Josh and Drake fic I've read :]

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-10 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Awesome! Thank you so, so much. :)

[identity profile] okvegascowgirl.livejournal.com 2007-08-06 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)
For someone who felt the need to preface her story with "I don't know the canon all that well cuz I'm new to the fandom," you did an amazing job! No need for the disclaimer AT ALL! The characters voice are terrific, it was just hot enough, and I'll send you some "special candeh" if you'll write something hotter!!!! You've got a real talent, keep using it!

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2007-08-10 07:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Haha well I was a little worried I'd have something totally wrong!! But hooray, thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it. And I definitely have plans for something hotter coming up. ;)

[identity profile] yoshikimos.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
haha you have an amazing writing style. keep it up. cant wait to read more of your stuff :>

[identity profile] jannika.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 03:44 am (UTC)(link)
That. was. amazing

I'm new to this whole Drake and Josh thing, but i was reading throw old entries, and i found this and i just LOVED it.

great stuff

good story

[identity profile] rehab-4life.livejournal.com 2007-10-14 08:54 am (UTC)(link)
ha ha .. this is so cute . it's way better than most of stuff on fanfiction.net. the cat costume situation, priceless.

write , some more !!

[identity profile] emhen.livejournal.com 2007-12-19 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
OH MAN. I just started watching this show, and while scouring the internet I found THIS and WOW - advice columns and anonymous Halloween kisses and Drake bursting in on Josh in the shower and this:

"You're the wrong way up," Drake said against his lips, breathing alcohol-air into his mouth.

"Oh, I am, am I?" Josh murmured. "I think you'll find that's you."


URK. This whole thing is so sweet and awkward and romantic and wonderful!!! *hugs fic to chest*

[identity profile] gmth.livejournal.com 2008-01-19 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
I loved this. So fun and cute and the boys were perfectly in character. Nice job. :-)

[identity profile] amortentia-x.livejournal.com 2008-04-09 08:21 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] thisissirius.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 07:53 am (UTC)(link)
YOU DID DRAKE/JOSH FIC. HOW DID I NOT KNOW? OMG OMG OMG *FLAILS*

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 03:46 pm (UTC)(link)
IDK BECAUSE IT WAS FOREVER AGO, HAHA. BUT YAY. :D

[identity profile] thisissirius.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 04:58 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL. I KNOW IT WAS. but i have only recently found Drake & Josh and am finding myself... embarrassingly in love with it :/

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.
Edited 2009-02-06 16:59 (UTC)

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
NO THERE ISN'T, DRAKE & JOSH IS AWESOME, THERE IS NO SHAME IN LOVING IT.

WELL, NO MORE SHAME THAN IN LOVING THE JOBROS, SO. YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL RELATIVE. ;)

HAHA OMG, LITERALLY.

I CRACK MYSELF UP.

[identity profile] thisissirius.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:05 pm (UTC)(link)
OH GOOD. I CAN'T HELP MYSELF. BUT JOSH IS LOOKING SO GOOD IN LATER SEASONS, I CANNOT DENY. NOT THAT HE WASN'T AWESOME IN THE FIRST SEASON, BUT IN 4? HOLY CRAP.

I FEEL BETWEEN DISNEY, NICKELODEON AND THE BBC I AM SCREWED. FOR LIFE.

LOL. I LOLED IN RL, SERIOSULY.

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:07 pm (UTC)(link)
YES! AND I ACTUALLY FIND HIM FUNNIER IN THE LATER EPISODES TOO. PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY HE WAS FUNNIER IN THE EARLIER ONES BUT I DISAGREE.

LOL YOU TOTALLY ARE. MY MUM ALWAYS SAYS I'M LIKE, REGRESSING BACK TO CHILDHOOD WHEN I GET INTO STUFF LIKE THIS. BUT IT'S JUST SO GOOD. D: ALL OF IT.

:D

[identity profile] thisissirius.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:11 pm (UTC)(link)
SO TRUE. GOD, THE WAY HE'S JUST SUCH A SPAZZ ABOUT EVERYTHING. I AGREE. AND EVEN IN INTERVIEWS JOSH PECK IS LOLSOME. I ADORE HIS STUPID FACE SO MUCH.

OHGOD. I THINK MY MUM DESPAIRS OF ME SOMETIMES BUT SHE TRIES TO BE INTERESTED SOMETIMES. I DON'T EVEN CARE. I LOVE BEING SUCH A KID ALL THE TIME. IT MAKES ME FEEL LESS BAD ABOUT TURNING 25 THIS YEAR, LOL.

WITH THE AMOUNT OF TIMES YOUR DAD AND HIS GF HAVE LOLED AT YOUR FOR LAUGHING SO HARD YOU DIED, IT'S ABOUT TIME YO DID THE SAME TO ME, LOL.

[identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:17 pm (UTC)(link)
YES! HE'S HILARIOUS. I HAVE SUCH A SOFT SPOT FOR THAT GUY, AWW. ♥

LOL MY MUM TRIES TO BE INTERESTED TOO. I ALWAYS END UP DRAGGING FAMILY MEMBERS INTO FANDOM EVEN WHEN THEY REALLY, REALLY COULD NOT CARE LESS. I'M LIKE "BUT LOOK AT THIS PHOTO OF WILL! AND WATCH THIS VIDEO OF THE JONAS BROTHERS!" AND THEY'RE LIKE, "THAT'S NICE, DEAR." *sigh*

[identity profile] shortsweetsoul.livejournal.com 2009-03-06 06:14 am (UTC)(link)
:D YAY.

The same-costume thing is soooo Drake & Josh, haha. And the bizarre dream and 'Drakina', it's just so them!!! :D ♥