hardparade: (kills; alison (smoking))
[personal profile] hardparade
I...this post is kind of ridiculous, just a warning.

The other day, I decided to give Alison Mosshart's first band, Discount, a proper listen. I'd tried a couple of songs before and sort of went "well, this is noisy with more yelling than singing", and gave up. I'm not the biggest fan of punk music, clearly. But Discount's kind of growing on me. The music doesn't really give Alison a chance to show off her gorgeous voice, though, so I find that kind of sad. It's such a good thing she met Jamie, haha.

Anyway, I always thought she basically left Discount after meeting him, but it turns out their last album was released in January 2000, and their last gig was in August 2000. And Alison met Jamie in about 1998, and moved to London at the end of 1999, so...that's interesting. It means that it's quite likely she was still writing songs for Discount after she'd met him.

Once I realised that and started paying attention to some lyrics, it was all downhill from there. It wasn't helped when I discovered Jamie had also been recording during that period of time. This is like when [livejournal.com profile] littledivinity and I managed to make the entirety of Kings of Leon's 'Only By The Night' about Caleb's crazy incestuous love for Nathan. I LIKE ANALYSING LYRICS AND CREATING BACKSTORY, WHAT CAN I SAY.


Okay, so, there's this song on Discount's last album 'Crash Diagnostic'. The last song on the album, in fact. NOTABLE LYRICS BELOW. (Full lyrics here if you're interested. I'm not sure how correct they are, I hear some parts slightly differently.)

DISCOUNT; THE KILL FIX [♫]
i need it, i need it
everyday pores suck in
and mean reverberations
electricity is conversation
plug in, plug in, save my life
all the days i've lived, all i give
you've given back all of it times everything
why am i so down like this (i don't know)
who am i? the race car might miss the mouth
i missed the mouth
and got it all down the front of your shirt
left a stain to remind you i came and went
and i will remember everything

First of all, the title...they obviously weren't The Kills at that point, but it seems like there must be some connection there. And then the references to electricity, conversation, 'plugging in', all of that makes me think of that brief period of time they had together when they met and how much of a connection she felt with him.

And the idea of it saving her life...the last lines of the chorus just make my heart ache, it's so honest and open and lovely...she's basically saying that meeting her has made her whole life worth it. And they've both spoken about how passionate she was when she first met him, how sure she was that they could make something special together,

That line 'to remind you I came and went, and I will remember everything' just seems so clear...although I'm not sure what she got down the front of his shirt that she meant to get in his mouth, haha. (I have this adorable image of her trying to feed him some wine or something but being all awkward and spilling it and staining his shirt, idek.)

Ugh, I don't know. When I first heard this song, I may have sort of cried a little bit. I mean, I was on my period at the time and pretty hormonal, and may also have cried at some White Stripes songs that WEREN'T EVEN SAD, but still. Listening to the way she sings 'I need it', and thinking about her feeling so trapped and bored in her life and then meeting this amazing man that she had such a connection with, someone she could have such an incredible life with...but she was so far away from him. There's this quote about that in-between period, when they were communicating via post:

Alison: I hated where I was; it wasn't good for me. I was writing so much that it started to be unhealthy. I didn't go out. I didn't talk. I just sent the tapes. I didn't sleep and I didn't take care of myself. Eventually, I got sick, I was so out of it. I was in the clinic getting refueled. The weekends got longer, but I was saving cash. When I finally had enough, I left. It took me a while to pull myself together when I arrived in London, but it was the best thing. When Hotel and I started working together, it was the best thing. I'd had so much confidence it would be like that.

...that kind of shows the state she was in. There's a song called 'Medical' that makes me think of that.

DISCOUNT; MEDICAL [♫]
i've grown disinterested in numbers
the passing cars of four-wheeled hearts
just exhaust and cancer
heard a whisper for a wishing
in a gas station i was thinking
about fuel force feeding
what was left wasn't much
unrelative and all out of touch
passion pushed off and never
never again bleeding red and real
tell me how you feel
tell me how you feel
tell me how, how, how d'you feel now?
imitating machines
before long with mechanical dreams
i'm not what you meant
you're not what i mean
dirty developments never go home clean

The reference to 'fuel force feeding' links to her saying she was in the clinic getting 'refueled'. There's just...a lot of frustration in this song. The demanding to know how someone feels...and there's just a strong sense of being so sick of the life she was living. It's like she's singing about Discount in comparison with the time she spent with Jamie—no passion, just imitating machines, mechanical. And 'dirty developments never go home clean' could be her saying they can't shake it off, that time they spent together. She hasn't just gone back home and forgotten about it, or something?

There are also some random other parts of lyrics from the same album that made me think of her and Jamie, though not quite as strongly.

DISCOUNT; HARDER TO TELL
problematically you're smiling
but your teeth aren't directed at me
did i walk in on a one on no one
you're one of those just like me

DISCOUNT; APOSTROPHE
i stand watching from the banister
we are both equally explosive
you've come in all unexposed and
get your new skin on now
on the outside again
feels funny to you now
looks like you get another shot

DISCOUNT; BLACK & WHITE CAN'T CAPTURE RED & BLUE
for a minute you force contentment
you make me like me like i am
like i could walk in place forever
it would make things more comfortable
for you, for you, for you

DISCOUNT; AERIAL
i've come to notice
i've come to know you
been feeling way too centered
now i'm reaching out of this lazy middle

DISCOUNT; HIT
a conversation about forgetting what it's like to be touched
falling asleep on your stomach
sharing dreams of acidic indigestion
we question in the morning
is this nauseous rendition of life
beyond this position

More references to feeling a connection to someone, getting to know someone, wanting something new and more interesting. And it seems she's aware that she feels more strongly than the other person, too.

Um, now some pictures just to break up all this text.


This is what Alison looked like while she was in Discount.


I STILL FIND IT HARD TO GET MY HEAD AROUND THE IDEA THAT THIS IS HER, IDEK.


I mean, still hot, in a kind of awkward babydyke way, but. SO WEIRD.


Meanwhile, Jamie looked...pretty much the same as he does now.

During these few years, he was making music as Fiji, pretty much solo I think. In mid-1999, he released an album called 'The Glue Hotel Tapes' (Hotel!) and this song is on it:

FIJI; SAINTS PRESERVE US (IN FORMALDEHYDE)
easy. listen up. i've got it all...
i've got you when i want you
soft as moss my dripping heart
has got you when i want you
dressed like look-alikes
you'd never know i'd got you when i want you
but i'm so restless and sleepsick...
say that you'll be there to weep when i die...
saints preserve us in formaldehyde
your teeth beam back at me pearly white
you've got me where you want me
see clean through me when you like
you've got me where you want me
i change. you change...we're still the same...
got me where you want me
dressed like look-alikes...kentucky fried...

I can't find this song to download so I haven't heard it and the lyrics are just taken from some website and might be wrong, but...sigh. 'Soft as moss, my dripping heart'. Moss. Heart. Mosshart. JUST SAYING. I don't know what the rest of it means, but it kind of reads like he's kind of struggling with his feelings, the attachment he feels to her but his concern that she's infatuated with him.

And the repetition...I think Alison definitely had him where she wanted him, and was 'seeing clean through him' when she liked. And for Jamie, he apparently had her 'when' he wanted her, rather than 'where', which is interesting. It's almost like he's saying his heart wants her, deep down he wants her, and she clearly wants him, so it's just a matter of time. When he wants her (or, when he comes to terms with the fact that he wants her), he'll have her. You know? And she'd never know, because he's keeping his distance, but underneath it all he's 'restless and sleepsick'. And the whole 'I change, you change, we're still the same' is like, he can't deny how much they have in common and how meaningful this seems to be.

I WONDER IF ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE TO ANYBODY BESIDES ME.


*sigh* Current!Kills thank you for your time.


Oh! I also wanted to analyse some of the lyrics from the songs on The Kills' Black Rooster EP, but...I'll save that for another time, this is long enough already.

Date: 2010-07-03 03:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ginevra-alessa.livejournal.com

"medical" (from the lyrics you posted) makes me think of anorexia/eating disorders...like the part about numbers and not bleeding...(stop getting your period)..and uh force feeding

Date: 2010-07-04 02:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likecharity.livejournal.com
Oh, god, that actually makes a lot of sense. Which makes me sad, because it's pretty clear she lost quite a bit of weight (like not tons, obviously, but enough to make it obvious from pictures) between Discount and The Kills. And I never really thought about that, though I have (weirdly) wondered if she ever self-harmed. She's so WEIRD about never ever showing her legs, and it just made me wonder. That would link into body insecurity and eating issues too, I guess. :( ALISON.

Date: 2010-07-05 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ginevra-alessa.livejournal.com

aw poor sweetheart! well i did wonder what she was in hospital re-hab for exactly...

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