we are a fever; we ain't born typical
Jun. 5th, 2011 11:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hardparadeSo I promised a few people that I would update about The Kills concert last week, and this is that post. I'm afraid it won't be very interesting. I mean, nothing earth-shattering happened, and I didn't take any photos, so the gist will probably be something like "It was good! They played some songs and I enjoyed them! But I got the hiccups. Sadface."
I'm trying to focus on the good things though because—well, with my social anxiety, and the fact that I rarely leave the house these days, it was difficult. I mean, I knew it would be difficult, so I was kind of prepared, but I just have the tendency to fixate on every negative thing until the event becomes this awful thing in my mind. But it wasn't! I just need to keep reminding myself I'm being ridiculous.
I think that maybe meeting up with my sister's friend—the girl I've had a crush on since I was about eleven—right beforehand, might have been part of the problem. She brought along her boyfriend, and some other guy (which we weren't expecting) and that was really nervewracking. Like, seeing her again after a few years was going to be scary enough, and obviously I'm not so good with new people. But I coped! The problem was that a lot of that coping came from the wine her boyfriend bought us, and I ended up more drunk than I had meant to be.
What I hate about alcohol is that it just seems so unpredictable. Like, the worst hangover I ever had, I barely drank anything the night before. And then once at a party, I had one of like, every type of alcohol ever, and was absolutely FINE. And this time—I really don't think I had more wine than I usually would, so maybe it just interacted weirdly with my nerves? Anyway, it's not like I ended up fainting or throwing up, it just would have been nicer to be able to appreciate the whole thing in a less dazed sort of way.
I'd also sort of forgotten that with concerts, the support acts take FOREVER. So we got there like, way too early, and there was a lot of waiting around. I'd planned to secure a good place in the crowd, but it turned out that in the venue, there was like a side door from which it was really easy to get to the front (on Alison's side, too—A+). So it wasn't necessary, and we hung around by the bar instead. (We did see some of the second support act though. Who were called S.C.U.M. They were not good.)
THEN, the worst part of the night happened, which was me getting the hiccups. Which sounds like a very minor occurence, but oh my god, I get the worst hiccups EVER. I've had them last for nearly a week before, and they're just the most painful thing and make me feel so sick. Sometimes I can stop them if I hold my breath, but I didn't catch them in time. And once they've started, I just sort of have to let them run their course. It sucked, though—it definitely hindered my enjoyment of the night. :(
So due to this sudden freak-out, we missed the first song (No Wow) and only heard it through the wall. But after that, we managed to snake through the crowd and get pretty close, with only two people in front of us. It was so surreal seeing them in person btw—I've only ever really had that experience before with Patrick Wolf and the Narnia cast (in terms of proximity and knowing a lot about the person) and so it was kind of jarring! Especially seeing as I wrote fic about them. It was just weird.
But very cool, of course! And Alison looked so beautiful. ♥_♥ Lol, it was so funny with my sister—she had never heard their music before I asked her to come with me, so she really didn't know much about them. I'd sent her some songs, and showed her some photos, and that morning we watched the video for 'Last Day of Magic' (to which her response was sort of like "...right, okay"). And she agreed that Alison was pretty, but she didn't really get it until she saw her in person. Afterwards, she was like "I just want to go up to her and be like 'You're so pretty. And I hadn't even heard of you beforehand so I'm not like a crazy obsessed fan or anything! Can we just...go off and get married?'" It was so cute. I mean, my sister is already a lesbian, but I do love how women just fall in love with Alison so easily. ♥
Speaking of which, I was amused at how many people were wearing leopard print. The backdrop of the stage was leopard print too, actually, which was quite cool. Anyway! They played most of the new album, of course, which—idk, it's growing on me, but there are a lot of songs that I'm just indifferent to. :( I was pleasantly surprised at how many of the older ones they played though. 'Kissy Kissy' was awesome, but it also really highlighted how much their stage presence has changed. Because every older performance of that song I've seen, it's just been DRIPPING with sexual tension, like you can just feel it. They rarely take their eyes off each other and they get so close and share the mic and stuff. And this time...they barely looked at each other. It makes me really sad, mostly, but I'm also so interested in the fact that there's such an obvious change that's occurred.
There were a few moments though—ugh I wish I'd been more sober so I could like, document it properly. I do remember them getting really close to each other at one point. And there were also a few points where Alison would come up to the wall right by us, and lean against it with one leg bent (which, btw: hnnnng) and man, the way Jamie looks at her. I was sort of more transfixed by him than her, purely because of the look in his eyes. That was really the only thing that felt familiar to the other performances I've seen; that look. I just can't even with that. He just looks at her like she's the only person in the whole world, like the crowd isn't there. And like he needs her. And it was fascinating, and sort of hot, but it also just made me sad and frustrated, because I feel like they could have such a good thing and it's just like they're refusing to see it and alsl;jadjsdljjffsd. /far too emotionally involved
ANYWAY they did 'U.R.A Fever' and everyone went CRAZY when we heard the beeps at the beginning, and my sister was like ?! which was amusing. I think it was when 'Baby Says' started that I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up, which is a shame because I do actually really like that song, but I just had to get out of there. So then my sister and I spent a couple of songs hunched in a toilet cubicle until I realised I wasn't actually going to puke. I think my hiccups were just making me feel that nauseous? But thankfully, the fear of that somehow distracted my diaphragm, and the hiccups went away for the rest of the concert. :D
So I don't know which songs we missed, but we came back near the end of 'You Don't Own The Road' and then they did 'Sour Cherry' which was aaawesome. And 'Pots and Pans' which I think is my favourite from the new album. And for the encore, they did 'The Last Goodbye' and I'm still kind of 'eh' about that song, but it was really quite powerful live. It was also kind of emotional seeing Jamie standing behind Alison watching her sing, too. And they did 'Fried My Little Brains'!! I love that song so much. I danced as much as I could in my very small amount of space.
They had their arms around each other the first time they bowed, but after the encore they held hands. ♥ (Or maybe the other way around. DAMN THE ALCOHOL. I need to go see them again sober, clearly.) And then we left, and my hiccups came back, and it was incredibly embarrassing on the bus for the journey home. BUT I HAD A GOOD TIME. I SAW ONE OF MY FAVOURITE BANDS IN PERSON. AND THEY PLAYED SOME OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS. I do still wish I'd seen them in like, the height of their insane-sexual-tension stage, but...eh, we can't turn back time. (Plus, I probably would have felt awkward seeing that in person. I mean, even seeing Jamie look at her the way he does—it felt odd, like it wasn't something we should be seeing. It's weird! THEY ARE SO WEIRD.)
In other news, I have been alone in the house since Wednesday lunchtime and will continue to be until Tuesday morning, because my Mum is on holiday. I have cats to keep me company, and I've had phone calls from various family members (including my grandparents—even the ones in the US, bless them), and I'm no longer thinking I'm going to die whenever I hear a tiny noise at night, but I'm still kinda going stir crazy. *clings to you all* KEEP ME ENTERTAINED? Let's talk about Kills fic that I should write.
I'm trying to focus on the good things though because—well, with my social anxiety, and the fact that I rarely leave the house these days, it was difficult. I mean, I knew it would be difficult, so I was kind of prepared, but I just have the tendency to fixate on every negative thing until the event becomes this awful thing in my mind. But it wasn't! I just need to keep reminding myself I'm being ridiculous.
I think that maybe meeting up with my sister's friend—the girl I've had a crush on since I was about eleven—right beforehand, might have been part of the problem. She brought along her boyfriend, and some other guy (which we weren't expecting) and that was really nervewracking. Like, seeing her again after a few years was going to be scary enough, and obviously I'm not so good with new people. But I coped! The problem was that a lot of that coping came from the wine her boyfriend bought us, and I ended up more drunk than I had meant to be.
What I hate about alcohol is that it just seems so unpredictable. Like, the worst hangover I ever had, I barely drank anything the night before. And then once at a party, I had one of like, every type of alcohol ever, and was absolutely FINE. And this time—I really don't think I had more wine than I usually would, so maybe it just interacted weirdly with my nerves? Anyway, it's not like I ended up fainting or throwing up, it just would have been nicer to be able to appreciate the whole thing in a less dazed sort of way.
I'd also sort of forgotten that with concerts, the support acts take FOREVER. So we got there like, way too early, and there was a lot of waiting around. I'd planned to secure a good place in the crowd, but it turned out that in the venue, there was like a side door from which it was really easy to get to the front (on Alison's side, too—A+). So it wasn't necessary, and we hung around by the bar instead. (We did see some of the second support act though. Who were called S.C.U.M. They were not good.)
THEN, the worst part of the night happened, which was me getting the hiccups. Which sounds like a very minor occurence, but oh my god, I get the worst hiccups EVER. I've had them last for nearly a week before, and they're just the most painful thing and make me feel so sick. Sometimes I can stop them if I hold my breath, but I didn't catch them in time. And once they've started, I just sort of have to let them run their course. It sucked, though—it definitely hindered my enjoyment of the night. :(
So due to this sudden freak-out, we missed the first song (No Wow) and only heard it through the wall. But after that, we managed to snake through the crowd and get pretty close, with only two people in front of us. It was so surreal seeing them in person btw—I've only ever really had that experience before with Patrick Wolf and the Narnia cast (in terms of proximity and knowing a lot about the person) and so it was kind of jarring! Especially seeing as I wrote fic about them. It was just weird.
But very cool, of course! And Alison looked so beautiful. ♥_♥ Lol, it was so funny with my sister—she had never heard their music before I asked her to come with me, so she really didn't know much about them. I'd sent her some songs, and showed her some photos, and that morning we watched the video for 'Last Day of Magic' (to which her response was sort of like "...right, okay"). And she agreed that Alison was pretty, but she didn't really get it until she saw her in person. Afterwards, she was like "I just want to go up to her and be like 'You're so pretty. And I hadn't even heard of you beforehand so I'm not like a crazy obsessed fan or anything! Can we just...go off and get married?'" It was so cute. I mean, my sister is already a lesbian, but I do love how women just fall in love with Alison so easily. ♥
Speaking of which, I was amused at how many people were wearing leopard print. The backdrop of the stage was leopard print too, actually, which was quite cool. Anyway! They played most of the new album, of course, which—idk, it's growing on me, but there are a lot of songs that I'm just indifferent to. :( I was pleasantly surprised at how many of the older ones they played though. 'Kissy Kissy' was awesome, but it also really highlighted how much their stage presence has changed. Because every older performance of that song I've seen, it's just been DRIPPING with sexual tension, like you can just feel it. They rarely take their eyes off each other and they get so close and share the mic and stuff. And this time...they barely looked at each other. It makes me really sad, mostly, but I'm also so interested in the fact that there's such an obvious change that's occurred.
There were a few moments though—ugh I wish I'd been more sober so I could like, document it properly. I do remember them getting really close to each other at one point. And there were also a few points where Alison would come up to the wall right by us, and lean against it with one leg bent (which, btw: hnnnng) and man, the way Jamie looks at her. I was sort of more transfixed by him than her, purely because of the look in his eyes. That was really the only thing that felt familiar to the other performances I've seen; that look. I just can't even with that. He just looks at her like she's the only person in the whole world, like the crowd isn't there. And like he needs her. And it was fascinating, and sort of hot, but it also just made me sad and frustrated, because I feel like they could have such a good thing and it's just like they're refusing to see it and alsl;jadjsdljjffsd. /far too emotionally involved
ANYWAY they did 'U.R.A Fever' and everyone went CRAZY when we heard the beeps at the beginning, and my sister was like ?! which was amusing. I think it was when 'Baby Says' started that I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up, which is a shame because I do actually really like that song, but I just had to get out of there. So then my sister and I spent a couple of songs hunched in a toilet cubicle until I realised I wasn't actually going to puke. I think my hiccups were just making me feel that nauseous? But thankfully, the fear of that somehow distracted my diaphragm, and the hiccups went away for the rest of the concert. :D
So I don't know which songs we missed, but we came back near the end of 'You Don't Own The Road' and then they did 'Sour Cherry' which was aaawesome. And 'Pots and Pans' which I think is my favourite from the new album. And for the encore, they did 'The Last Goodbye' and I'm still kind of 'eh' about that song, but it was really quite powerful live. It was also kind of emotional seeing Jamie standing behind Alison watching her sing, too. And they did 'Fried My Little Brains'!! I love that song so much. I danced as much as I could in my very small amount of space.
They had their arms around each other the first time they bowed, but after the encore they held hands. ♥ (Or maybe the other way around. DAMN THE ALCOHOL. I need to go see them again sober, clearly.) And then we left, and my hiccups came back, and it was incredibly embarrassing on the bus for the journey home. BUT I HAD A GOOD TIME. I SAW ONE OF MY FAVOURITE BANDS IN PERSON. AND THEY PLAYED SOME OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS. I do still wish I'd seen them in like, the height of their insane-sexual-tension stage, but...eh, we can't turn back time. (Plus, I probably would have felt awkward seeing that in person. I mean, even seeing Jamie look at her the way he does—it felt odd, like it wasn't something we should be seeing. It's weird! THEY ARE SO WEIRD.)
In other news, I have been alone in the house since Wednesday lunchtime and will continue to be until Tuesday morning, because my Mum is on holiday. I have cats to keep me company, and I've had phone calls from various family members (including my grandparents—even the ones in the US, bless them), and I'm no longer thinking I'm going to die whenever I hear a tiny noise at night, but I'm still kinda going stir crazy. *clings to you all* KEEP ME ENTERTAINED? Let's talk about Kills fic that I should write.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 12:03 am (UTC)Being on your own sounds tricky too! :( I hope you manage to keep yourself distracted.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 12:25 am (UTC)I'm doing my best! I've been watching a lot of TV and movies. XD
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Date: 2011-06-06 12:27 am (UTC)I recently started listening to The Kills. I love them so much. I've been looking up clips of them on youtube and their shows seem so exciting.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-09 12:02 pm (UTC)Ooh, I'm glad you like them! They're so good, and their live performances are one of the coolest things about them imo - their dynamic onstage is just so fascinating.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-09 12:05 pm (UTC)I survived being home alone! It was actually kind of nice in some ways, but I was starting to get pretty lonely towards the end, lol.
:) Thanks, bb. I'm still struggling with motivation but I've got a few ideas waiting for when I feel more like it! (Also, you should totally check out The Kills!)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 09:04 pm (UTC)I'm sorry it got a little intense, but I'm really glad you had a good time despite that :)
Now, I still don't know very much about The Kills (although I rather love Midnight Boom) so I can't offer many suggestions on Kills fic. However, the dynamic you describe rather suggests to me that any encounter between them would involve restraints. And possibly paddles. Just sayin' :p
I hope you're coping on your own ok. I don't know if I've recced this to you - I rec it to everyone at one time or another, often more than once - but if you haven't read it then
There's also a podfic of it, here: http://audiofic.jinjurly.com/matching-muff-matrimony
which is rather good if you feel like being read to :)
What else?
Oh yes. Did you ever see As If?
It's kind of a pre-Skins Skins (teen drama, set in London, changing POVs) but a lot more consistent, and loads of fun. It's not on DVD, so I tracked them all down on DVD and put them on my mediafire count for safekeeping.
You might like i,. I think it's ace :D
It's here, if you fancy taking a look:
http://www.mediafire.com/?ew6mq03h4v3vu
(If you do download them, note that the first ep in the season 1 list is actually episode 14. Episode 1 is 6 episodes down. Also, a lot of them have a Spanish primary soundtrack, so you'll have to use something like VLC to change to track 2, which is the Englsh one).
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 07:50 pm (UTC)It's so rare to find anyone who actually watched it. There's like zero fandom for it, it's kind of depressing :( (I know it's a few years old, but still.I'd love to read fic for it.)
I actually quite liked the last season 4. It had a slightly different feel to the others but it still worked for me, and it had the grace to bow out before it fell apart completely. Sooz was my absolute favourite, and she and Jamie were adorable together. Of course, that was one of the reasons that I hated Sasha with an absolute passion (she was pretty vile to both of them). The other that she was just an awful person. Hey ho.
If you feel like watching them again and don't have them all (they really need to release them all on DVD some tim :/) feel free to download them from the link. Every episode;s there, even if they vary rather a lot in file quality.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 08:13 pm (UTC)I'm not really sure if I even saw series 4 - I think I lost interest by then. But the first two were great. Sasha was awful though, lol! Poor Rob in the first series :(
Thanks for the link - I think they're on youtube, but it would be great to have a downloaded copy. Cheers :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-12 04:34 pm (UTC)As If never resorted to random acts of ridiculousness or brutality to create drama, they didn't use character death for emotional manipulation, and it was clever, funny and well written. Also, fantastic soundtrack :) It really deserves to be more well known that it is.
And, of course, there was the Cabaret-inspired season 2 finale. 25 minutes of surreal brilliance, and one of the most memorable and brilliant things I've ever seen.
Seasons 3 and 4 are definitely worth watching if you never saw them. I'm incredibly fond of the whole series, I have to admit, and they also ended it really well, without completely messing it up or flogging a dead horse.
I'd finished university a little before it first aired but I can still identify with you on how easy shows like As If and Skins make college (and later) friendships seem. You always imagine from them that it's the most natural thing in the world to just pull together that small, tight-knit group of friends, almost as if by magic. The reality's pretty different a lot of the time :/
It was a wonder to me how Rob put up with Sasha for so long. God, she treated him like dirt. Really, no redeeming features whatsoever. The other characters made up for her, though. They all had their flaws but they were all likable in their own way. Sooz and Jamie were always my faves though :)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-12 11:26 pm (UTC)The Cabaret episode! I'd forgotten! I think I will have a look over series 3 and 4, although I'm trying to avoid nostalgia at the moment.
Glad you know what I mean about the tight-knit group of friends thing - I was beginning to think it was only me who didn't have that!
Yeah, Sasha was dreadful - interesting though to have a female character we're not supposed to like who is really is genuinely horrid, rather than the usual situation where we're supposed to hate the girlfriend for being a stong-minded woman.
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Date: 2011-06-09 12:09 pm (UTC)Ooooooh. Restraints. Now that's interesting. *ponders*
You did rec me that fic once quite a while ago and I read it and it was SO adorable. I might consider the podfic too though, because I'm trying to train myself NOT to fall asleep when listening to spoken-word things. I used to always fall asleep to The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy audiobooks and now whenever I try listen to a book that I DON'T know off by heart, or a podcast or something, I just end up falling asleep out of habit. XD
I don't think I've heard of As If, but it sounds fun. I've got tons on my list of things to watch at the moment, but I'll definitely bookmark it and give it a go. Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-12 11:47 am (UTC)I know we've spoken about this before, but I don't remember: have you ever read the last book, Mostly Harmless? God, what the hell happened there? It's so depressing, really, really hate it :( . I really must give the Eoin Colfer sequel a go. It might take the bad taste out of my mouth :/
no subject
Date: 2011-06-16 01:12 pm (UTC)I still like some parts of Mostly Harmless, but it's definitely my least favourite. It is depressing, and just CREEPY in places. I'm really not sure how I feel about the new sequel thing - I tried listening to the parts of the radio series that had been made after Douglas Adams's death, and it just felt wrong to me. Like they were trying so hard to sort of 'copy' his sense of humour, but because I knew it wasn't really him, it was obvious and weird? I feel like the book would be the same. :/
no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-09 12:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 12:46 am (UTC)Anyway, sorry about your hiccups. They can be painful and the headaches they cause are hideous. I have a technique for getting rid of them that works most times if you want.
You know, it's like you say - the way they're different on stage now is half sad, half fascinating. And I almost blushed myself just reading your account of how he looks at her. I want to see it in real life! You're pretty brave to ask you sister to go with you - I'd have been worried they'd be doing their guitar sex thing and I'd feel all grossed out having to watch that with my family member!
Oh, and the being home alone thing - isn't it so weird how sound is just different then?! Like noises you hear all the time when everyone's home are suddenly totally different and it's definitely a murderer. Gah. It kind of takes the fun away from having the house to yourself. Sometimes daytime can be creepier actually. Like being in one of those abandoned ghost towns. Oops, I'm not helping, am I? Sorry! Don't worry, you're mum will be back in a matter of hours and it's gets light earlier nowadays!
no subject
Date: 2011-06-09 12:16 pm (UTC)Usually I can stop them if I catch them right away by just holding by breath, but it's like once they've started there's nothing I can do. I guess it's worth knowing another technique though?
Seriously, that look of Jamie's!! It's something I've seen before of course, but it seemed so...intense, and I don't know if it's just because it was in person, or because of the way things have changed between them. I'm genuinely not sure I've ever seen anyone look at anyone else that way before in my life. Jaaaaamie. JUST STOP IT WITH THE DENIAL ALREADY. And lol - I figured it wouldn't be awkward because they're so much less physical on stage with each other now, but I did have a last minute panic that they'd choose this show to rekindle their stage sex antics or something. (Lol I typed 'rekinkle' at first there. APPROPRIATE.)
Yes!! Because it's so much quieter and like, you KNOW that any little sound definitely isn't whoever's in the house with you. When my Mum came home, I kept jumping at every sound she made when she was in another room, and having this split-second panic just because I'd gotten so used to the silence.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-12 11:51 pm (UTC)Ooh, do you think Alison looked right at you? After I'd seen Alan, because I was in the second row, I kept thinking... he probably at least glanced at me. He's probably seen me, so I'm technically in his head, because they say our subconscious never forgets a face and none of the strange faces we dream of are actually created by your brain. They're all people you've seen before even if you don't recognise them. So for all we know, we're in the heads of people we really admire who we never knew saw us from a distance or something. Sorry, ramble.
Ok, hiccups - get a large glass of water that's not too cold to drink quickly. Suck in a huge breath so that your chest is uncomfortably high, keep your head back slightly, and sort of 'push' down slightly as though you were about to blow the breath out of your mouth but won't let it past your throat, so that a pressure builds in your head and a little in your chest. (You know how when a kid is trying to poo and their face goes red from the pressure? Kinda like that. Sorry). Then down ALL of the water in one go with no breaths between each mouthful until you're at that stage of wanting air where you feel the beginning of panic. Then you can breath, and the hiccups should be gone.
I don't know whether to be jealous of Alison having someone look at her that way even once in her life, or just pissed off with Jamie for not NOTICING how rare it is for anyone to find someone that they would look at that way. And also, if they stopped the stage sex thing because he's married now and it's not appropriate, well, that's proof that they were lying through their asses about it not being sexual, because why else would it be inappropriate?
no subject
Date: 2011-06-16 01:15 pm (UTC)Next time I get the hiccups I'm totally trying that! Haha, thank you.
THIS, EXACTLY. They are so frustrating sometimes. And like - if their stage antics have changed because of Kate, then I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THEM AT ALL, which is why I have to keep telling myself it's probably got more to do with The Dead Weather and Jamie being possessive and weird and not wanting to be like that with Alison onstage anymore now that he's seen her do similar things with Jack. But it's all so confusing.