why can't this be sexy in any way.

[hardparade]

LJ Markov Random Text Generator time! It's been a while. Most of these seem to be bizarre Narnia RPF/Criminal Minds crossovers because those are the fandoms I've been writing for most recently...

Skandar's expression is a diary.
Lol that's actually kind of a cool metaphor for like, his face showing his deepest secrets or something. Nice one, generator?

The room at 2 o'clock in the early hours, disoriented. He hasn't stepped back, his head in and rides him like he's about to cry. Skandar. Skandar, why are you so afraid of?
This creeps me out and I'm not sure why.

Ben's actually stopped wearing the vest-top and knickers, her hair hanging down.
...And the generator continues to want crossdressing!Ben. Or apparently genderswapped!Ben?

ha, this is how Ben ends up right next to him, and Reid grapples awkwardly at the carpet.
SPENCER REID/BEN BARNES. I APPROVE. Idk why Reid is on the floor but I'm not complaining.

Just then, they hear a thing.
This is hilariously vague.


She will grow concerned soon, maybe start to sit on the dark in his ears.

Georgie says. "I said no." Georgie rolls her hips, and freckles like Skandar's. It's not actually that drunk, but James retreats a little bit weird, I agree.
???

Ben knocks on the bed. But when it seems like Anna's slept with Keira and he doesn't have anything for them without taking, his eyes dart to Skandar
I like this a lot.

He's surprised to discover that the TV has a beard—
Omg lol.

At first Will assumes is the slight pressure of cold metal handle of the covers and rolling over, "that's stupid." "Well, it's true," Skandar interrupts, sounding vaguely interested. He's sitting on his knees, because Georgie is getting a little put out that they said they'd never do this again
See, I wrote Will P. as 'Will' all throughout 'one of us' so that's probably what this is, but because Will usually means Moseley to me, this is weird.

She slumps down in my wildest dreams the dark and eerie corners of my hands.

"M-morning," he says, and he looks at Reid's thigh, smeared with shaving foam.
...

Skandar sneers, spliff still in his aching erection, which feels so good—better than it should, he thinks, how he should probably stop touching it.
WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING

All the flats have a mental institution instead of put a stop to this. Like a cat. you think about?" Skandar is reaching past him for a movie with Robert

Ben kisses her like an idiot for it, feels like an ordinary croissant
This one made me snort.

He wonders if Ben knows about the Dilaudid, reluctant at first to have him too.
Reid/Ben again?

Ben is flustered, surprised with himself, almost ashamed at his crotch, covering himself. Skandar frowns, taking the cigarette back.
Lol I imagined this as Skandar offering Ben a drag of a cigarette, and Ben getting like, a spontaneous erection, and Skandar being like "...oookay then, no cigarette for you."

Reid is growing hard fast beneath him, unable to stop the little exacto-knife in hands that quiver with pure, eager anticipation and he's invariably greeted by Will's Dad, a professor of psychiatry, but he can't stop.
INVARIABLY GREETED BY WILL'S DAD, A PROFESSOR OF PSYCHIATRY. This is amazing.

"Aww, lay off her," Keira says, looking Georgie up and down
Well well.

It's the idea of Ben —Ben who has homicidal urges. Reid shakes his head, smiling. He undoes his jeans, he feels guilty for that—putting them on his chest. It's too cold for him and easing himself down, graceful as a distant part of a sudden flood of warmth through him
Um?

And so I think we should go back," Georgie says, as Keira disentangles herself from them in a heap on the counter.
I don't know what's happening here but I approve of it.

He doesn't even wake up as she begins lining the tealights up along his spine, making him feel overwhelmingly guilty, keeping such a difference to her. The others might wonder, might touch upon it as he unbuttons his shirt, but then seems to be the three of them frozen, stiff, tense.

"Send our love to the costume tent," Ben is embracing him, holding out the door, mentally tracing the shape of Skandar's erection against his tongue. James reaches under the covers and rolling over, "that's stupid."
All the implied group sex in these things just brings me constant joy.

why can't this be sexy in any way.
Love this.

"What will that be?" Ben asks before Hotch has to draw back from Will to undress, and Will, embarrassed, bends over to James across the space next to Keira, on his arms folded across her face. "I can feel a headache too, and the cold metal pressing against Reid's shoulder. Reid slowly becomes aware of everything: the way he's almost in a voice that's shaky with threatening tears. JJ checks the file, swears under her breath and shuts the door, facing Skandar , and god, what if we want you in my blood save me
WHAT. I don't know what's going on here, but it involves Ben, Hotch, Will, James, Keira, Reid, JJ AND Skandar? That's amazing.

It waggles agitatedly with each decade.
Hee. Idek.

"We're hoping it'll wear him down," Rossi explains, clearly not wanting to see Skandar and Georgie together (besides those ones of their friendship, and then being interrupted by a wolf whistle, and they are unfastened, a triangle of white boxer shorts visible where they went though.
Lololol Rossi doesn't want to see Skandar and Georgie together except for when he's apparently watching them and wolf-whistling with his pants undone? That's what I got from this.

"Oh, god," Nathan pants against Reid's stomach. It's not terribly eloquent

Skandar is masturbating . In front of the red wool skirt hangs in loose pleats to her ankle.
NOT IN FRONT OF THE RED WOOL SKIRT!

"Yep, it's pretty cool," Skandar says then, with a bullet through his whole face
OH MY GOD

Porn porn pooorn. Okay. I'm done with the back seat.
...what was I doing back there?

And I have been an octopus. You don't know." Will tilts his head resting against Skandar's hunched shoulder, his forearm, feels the searing heat of him
I have been an octopus. You don't know.

"Actually," Ben says, and offers to drive Reid back then, but now he's sort of strangled sound, staring down at the subway station, "I want to—" he stops short again, takes a long moment.
REID/BEN REID/BEN REID/BEN

Hotch resists the urge to apologise for his neck

Skandar is taken aback; he laughs in the pub for the sun No longer will I curse the bad I've done If there's a swish of fabric from Ben's left; James is pulling on a cheese toastie.
I think maybe these are mangled song lyrics. EXTREMELY mangled song lyrics.

Ben is almost closed when he whispers "Dr. Reid?" into the shirt, for so long between them that were in a trembling hand as he says suddenly, ignoring him.
Okay, each suggestion of this crackship is making me want it more.

They talk a little lower. "Imagine Georgie getting ready for me, darling?" James asks, low, just a little, dazed.
I'm imagining him saying this to Ben, and ngl, it's pretty hot.

"she's ready for me, Ben," he murmurs, voice hoarse and scratchy from smoke
WELL.

"Agent Hotchner? Detective Barnes with the casual manner of a big deal—he wasn't trying to focus on. Trying to find any, "we did do that on purpose. And of course, and Skandar hisses a swearword at it, two other things to say that i was not surprised, but felt a little bit weird, I agree."
OKAY SO I KNOW THIS MAKES NO SENSE buuuut I just realised that I wrote a 'Detective Barnes' into my last CM fic and it was just because that was the same D.C. police guy they used in Nathan's episode buuuuuuuut I totally read this like it was Ben. Detective Ben Barnes/Dr. Spencer Reid = obvious conclusion.

Nathan opens his legs irritably
Lol I like this sentence.

"No you didn't," Ben chuckles, as the candlelight flickers across it, dim and chilly outside, and Hotch resists the urge to wipe them away, streaks red across his backside, legs casually tossed between the sofa and feels safe in looking at the wine her boyfriend bought
...what.

his expression dark and thrilled like a lover, William had promised he would do everything in his office. Rossi says when they return home.
...whaaaat.

I saw a naked body through the things scattered across Ben's dresser.

Ben isn't going to last much longer, and he smells like strawberries.
Lmao.

The trousers can't really imagine getting drawn into a porn site.
I suppose that's fair. Clothes don't usually feature heavily in porn.

it's a little about the dead octopus that washed up beside her on the carpet (and he doesn't recognise as Reid's.
If the dead octopus doesn't belong to Reid then WHOSE IS IT?

Will finds himself thinking, god, she's perfect, gazing at the airport
...to each their own, man.

Reid offers him the last time, and he realises Nathan has given his stuffed animals names
I read this like—Nathan has given Reid's stuffed animals names, and for some reason that made my heart melt with the adorable.

The furniture has been speaking to itself. But then Nathan is on fire
?!

a random picture of Ben —Ben who has a hunger for it—for knives and blood and pain—and he'll express his urges in a pair of Skandar's music, still playing, the same time, and sometimes guilty, like he's afraid of what his friend was worried because the way they look at him curiously.
The generator also seems to want serial killer!Ben. Killing people to the sound of Skandar's music?

It feels right, having Skandar by his pubic hair.

He's glad that Ben knows about the dead octopus that washed up beside him
Omg this octopus is everywhere.

OKAY THAT'S PROBABLY ENOUGH FOR NOW. I've been compiling this post while an electrician fixes our shower and I'm pretty sure he's been able to hear me attempting to stifle my laughter all this time.

Comments

[iamshunpike.livejournal.com]

You could easily read the first one as meaning that his only expression in life is through a diary. ahhh, the double-edged swords of the english language. of course, that takes the poetry out of it. but still.

Skandar. Skandar, why are you so afraid of?
NUMBER TWO READS LIKE SLENDERMAN TO ME. JFC.

Georgie says. "I said no." Georgie rolls her hips, and freckles like Skandar's. It's not actually that drunk, but James retreats a little bit weird, I agree.
???
I'm thinking Georgie changed her mind about having sex with James, decided she didn't want it anymore, and so James is respecting that and he "retreats a little". The "weird" is him feeling weird about suddenly noticing/observing that Georgie's freckles, in his mind, resemble Skandar's. Also, the "weird" might be a disoriented feeling that he might get after a giant leading-up-to-sex snogging session abruptly ends with Georgie not wanting sex anymore. Myeah, I don't know. do skandar or georgie even have freckles anyway??

WHY IS SKANDAR MASTURBATING WITH MARJUANA? WHY?

Reid is growing hard fast beneath him, unable to stop the little exacto-knife in hands that quiver with pure, eager anticipation and he's invariably greeted by Will's Dad, a professor of psychiatry, but he can't stop.
INVARIABLY GREETED BY WILL'S DAD, A PROFESSOR OF PSYCHIATRY. This is amazing.
OKAY. SCENARIO: Will Moseley and Reid from Criminal Minds (not a fan) are about to fuck on the floor or w/e, Will's on top of him, and Reid is holding an exacto knife which will be used kinkily? Then Mr. Moseley walks in on them, but awkwardly, Reid's erection doesn't stop. AT ALL.
YEAH. I MADE THAT WORK.

There is sooooooo much Keira Knightley/Georgie hinting in this, man. Maaaaaaaan. So much of it.

"Yep, it's pretty cool," Skandar says then, with a bullet through his whole face
OH MY GOD
Send a message to fuckyeahbloodymen.tumblr, STAT.

And I have been an octopus. You don't know." Will tilts his head
I pictured Will (Moseley) intensely, emo-ish-ly saying this at the wheel of a car with Skandar in the passenger seat, at night. The overwrought ~drama~ of the moment combined with what he's SAYING just made me burst out in laughter. I HAVE BEEN AN OCTOPUS. YOU DON'T KNOW.
this sentence lends itself to my soul.


They talk a little lower. "Imagine Georgie getting ready for me, darling?" James asks, low, just a little, dazed.
I'm imagining him saying this to Ben, and ngl, it's pretty hot.
I'm inagining him smoking a fag at night in an underlit, swanky VIP bar, saying it to Keira...fantasizing about what will probably happen later that night. WITH GEORGIE. GETTING READY. FOR HIM.
mmmph this is relevant to my interests indeed.


SHIT. THE NEXT SNIPPET HAD JAMES SMOKING. I HADN'T EVEN READ IT YET WHEN I WROTE THE ABOVE.
Narnia Psychic, forever and always.


I HAVE TO GO NOW SO I SHALL ENJOY THE REST AT ANOTHER TIME.
YES.
AHOY.

[iamshunpike.livejournal.com]

p.s. this is merae, i used a username token, now i'm iamshunpike. the end.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

I worked that out, haha! XD

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

Lol your version of the expression thing works too! And number 2 IS creepy. Like Slenderman. Lol. I just imagined someone reading it in a really creepy whisper-y voice. *shudders*

I was concerned by that James/Georgie one because it sounded like she was saying "no" to sexual things and having to repeat herself. I kinda like the idea of him randomly noticing that her freckles are like Skandar's. And yeah, they do both have freckles but they're quite faint.

What really disturbed me was the fact that the spliff appeared to be IN his erection. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, SKANDAR, WHY. Maybe he thought the weed would affect him more quickly or strongly that way.

YOU DID MAKE THAT WORK. I was imagining it being Reid with some other person, which made the mention of Will's Dad COMPLETELY RANDOM. Also, exacto-knives being used kinkily was a part of the fic that was taken from, so A+ deductive skills there.

I APPROVE OF THE KEIRA KNIGHTLEY/GEORGIE HINTING. Even though it's creepy. Eh, Keira's younger than Ben... ALSO, there's a fuckyeahbloodymen Tumblr? INSTA-FOLLOW

Lmao I think the octopus one is actually my new favourite. I was totally imagining it in the same way, said deadly seriously in some sort of dramatic, soul-baring situation, and that combined with the actual words makes it completely hysterical. "I have been an octopus. You don't know." I just imagine Skandar rolling his eyes and being like "yeah okay, Will, you've been an octopus, whatever. Can we go now?"

Hnnng, James saying the Georgie thing to Keira is pretty hot. And yay Narnia psychicness. :D

Lol I love your comments on these things.

[alice-pike.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA OMG THESE ARE AMAZING. The group sex is always epic and I approve of the amount of Georgie this round.

It has been far too long since I've played with the generator; I might have to now, lolz.

[alice-pike.livejournal.com]

Okay, so mine are generally awkward because it's not only lots of RL stuff, but also a lot of text from my 12k Percy Jackson fic I wrote in first person. But I have to share some of them:

True to form, he deigned only to grumble an affirmative, rolling his hips down, forcing him to climax. He choked out desperately, and I looked at me. And I don't want to take everything in without being overwhelmed by knowing that it's underage incest, I swear.
This alone pretty much sums up my journal, though.

also because I knew what he felt like, I knew how he'd react. He hissed through his teeth and tensed up, but he got the idea. He tried fucking up into me when I beckoned to him by God, for one thing, and Noah learned how to build the Temple using a magic ring given to him alone before the rest of the misunderstood. It's not overly political in either direction).
I was clearly talking about my paper on Enochian lit and Jewish magic. INNAPROPRIATE ASSOCIATIONS FTW.

I worked at getting his pants over his hips, pulling them down my cheeks, fall from my professors: Incalculable amount of my cock. I could in the unnatural chill of my dick. I knew the way he'd arch up into me when I saw him. Maybe I should have been feeling awesome.
Perhaps my favorite.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

First of all: hnnng icon. I watched that film the other day and it was so pretty.

Lol the RL bits do make it awkward! Most of my RL entries are flocked so they don't show up in these, but occasionally something'll be first person and then it just gets even weirder.

I love the ones that sort of sum up your journal as a whole. "Without being overwhelmed by knowing that it's underage incest" ahahaha. And omg that second one is hilariously inappropriate.

I'm loling at the random "fall from my professors: incalculable amount of my cock" in that last one. And MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN FEELING AWESOME.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_profiterole_/]

OMG, this batch was especially hilarious. Did you select them out of a lot of sentences suggested by the generator or does the generator always give you such awesome stuff?

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

I feel like they actually get better with each batch somehow! I usually play with it for a little while whenever I remember, and save the ones that are good, so they sort of build up over time. Because sometimes it takes a while to get a good one out of all the total nonsense!

[prunesquallormd.livejournal.com]

Hee, I always love these <3
Whenever I try this on my journal it never comes up with anything anywhere near as fabulous. Proof, it proof were needed, that your LJ contains so much more awesome than mine!

That first one - "Skandar's expression is a diary" - is actually rather poetic. I like it!

CrossdressingGenderswap!Ben! I approve so hard. I really want to see fic of that :D

There are a few here that take my mind to a whole Georgie/Keira, Anna/Keira, and best of all, Ann/Georgie/Keira place. It's a nice place. I'd like to go there more often :p
This especially:
"And so I think we should go back," Georgie says, as Keira disentangles herself from them in a heap on the counter.
I don't know what's happening here but I approve of it."
I second your approval. So, so hard!


And "It feels right, having Skandar by his pubic hair."
That could almost be a genuine line! I'd be very intrigued as to the context :D

"she's ready for me, Ben," he murmurs, voice hoarse and scratchy from smoke
O_O
That's actually a really sexy line!

So many others to love here. I'm always amazed at how perfectly some of the lines fit together!

<3

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

Hee! Most of what it comes up with is just total gobbledigook, to be fair.

I still need to write crossdressing!Ben. Preferably with strap-on!Georgie. ;)

Yessss, I was enjoying that too. I like how it could have put anyone with Keira but it focused on the girls!! And hnng I like the idea of the 'them' in that bit you quoted being both Anna and Georgie. *basks in the lovely mental images*

Lol! It was the 'pubic hair' that seemed a bit jarring - like, 'having Skandar between his legs' maybe, but to specify the pubic hair seemed odd. I wonder which two sentences were smushed together there.

In retrospect, that last one might be an actual line from the James/Keira/Ben fic? I'm not sure, but there's nothing that seemed mixed up about it. It was just that it came right after the other line about someone getting ready for him, and I was already thinking of Georgie...

[umbrrrayla.livejournal.com]

Feeling a little sad that I no longer have a journal to use this generator on.

The second one IS creepy - very Blue Velvet.

You know, the generator is sort of a reflection of the general interests of the journalist, so that means that you are, whether unconsciously or not, obsessed with crossdressing Ben and the fact that Daniel Radcliffe is better than everything and everyone, which means that you are, by all accounts, pretty fucking awesome.

Just then, they hear a thing - I've only just stopped laughing! There's something hilarious about stubborn vagueness. Once, my friend saw a menu that offered something called "Seven Sliced Things".

He's surprised to discover that the TV has a beard
Lol, ohmygod, I would be too.

the dark and eerie corners of my hands.
How big are your hands?

All the implied group sex in these things just brings me constant joy.
Hun, your journal mostly consists of group sex (of which I heartily approve) so why are you surprised?

It waggles agitatedly with each decade.
That's a long-lasting erection.

casual manner of a big deal
Ohmygod, I love contradictions in terms.

The trousers can't really imagine getting drawn into a porn site.
I suppose that's fair. Clothes don't usually feature heavily in porn.
There's also the issue of the trousers having the biological ability to 'imagine' at all.

it's a little about the dead octopus that washed up beside her on the carpet (and he doesn't recognise as Reid's.
If the dead octopus doesn't belong to Reid then WHOSE IS IT?
Also, why is her carpet underwater? OXYGEN EMERGENCY!

Also, 'freckles' as a verb? Me likey.

Oh... you know how I'm your bro/sis/love angst informer? Indigo by Graham Joyce. *Pick up briefcase, walk away from park bench.* (Ultimate in subtlety.)

Sorry for length of comment. Vodka.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

Awww! You need to make a bunch of random public entries just so you can use it. XD

Being obsessed with crossdressing!Ben and thinking DanRad is better than everything - yeah, that sounds about right actually. The generator just reflects my own views for sure. Like what you said about the group sex! It makes sense.

I legit lol'd at 'seven sliced things'. Like, it's so specific with the number, but not at all about what they are? Amazing.

That's a long-lasting erection. - lololol.

I wonder what it says about me that I considered the trousers' like, logic, before thinking about the fact that they literally CAN'T imagine. Hmm.

That is a good point! And how did the octopus get there? Was the carpet flooded with the sea?

LOL freckles as a verb, I like that too. I read it like 'Georgie rolls her hips and freckles' like she's rolling her freckles too - not that that makes sense either.

And oooooh thank you for the rec, lol. I have a hundred books to read but I am adding that to a list, it sounds interesting.

[umbrrrayla.livejournal.com]

Lol, it's tempting - just completely random sentences filled with pop culture references!

Oh my god... how about crossdressing!Ben and DanRad and a threesome ALL IN ONE GO!

I know, that's what got me! The priority being on the number, and the actual content being "Ehh... what we got hanging around in the larder?"

I wonder how the dictionary would define the verb 'to freckle'. Is it to dazzle someone with your cuteness maybe? Or maybe it's when you use it as a conversation weapon, like: "I have freckles, your argument is invalid."

I finished the book I recommended - it was really good, though I was disappointed by the lack of detail about their relationship, but that's mostly because I'm a perv. I also read Dirty by Megan Hart, which was good (not cesty).

[lizardwriter.livejournal.com]

OMG, I love reading these from your journal! Yours always comes up with the funniest things. I always love your commentary too. The one about trousers not being able to imagine getting drawn into a porn site and your comment legitimately made me laugh. Thanks for sharing. :)

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

Haha I'm glad! XD

[staypainted.livejournal.com]

omg feels like an ordinary croissant. I love these posts. SO MUCH.

I HAVE BEEN AN OCTOPUS. YOU DON'T KNOW almost want to make that my journal name.

Hotch resists the urge to apologise for his neck looool I'm sure your neck is fine Hotch!!

He's glad that Ben knows about the dead octopus that washed up beside him because it would have been such a shock for Ben to suddenly noticve it!! and how are you supposed to let someone gently know there's a dead octopus beside them? really it's for the best that Ben knows.

where were you talking about an octopus so much?

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

That would be an awesome journal name, ahaha.

All the octopus mentions come from like, one really brief bit in my Skandar/Georgie/Will P. fic where Georgie is scared of swimming in the sea in case they come across an octopus. And then later she says she saw a dead one. I'm not sure why the generator decided to like, obsess over that!

[katakokk.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD. Once again, I have to stifle my laughter and I'm grinning so much that my cheeks hurt. I love what the random text generator does with your journal. <3333

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

:D Yay!