This amused me FAR too much.

[hardparade]

I just discovered the LJ Markov Generator which basically takes parts of sentences from your journal and mashes them together, and like...a lot of it was just nonsense, but I've picked out some bits that made a bit more sense and I found them HILARIOUS.

and then the interviewer grabs Skandar's arm and is like "Last time I saw these just now on narnia_dazzle . :/
(I really love the idea of an interview grabbing Skandar's arm and saying something about narnia_dazzle, tbh.)

You can be as detailed as you like, explaining exactly what you want to read, or you can show up at my house completely unannounced
(Hahaha noooo, srsly, don't do that.)

Lolol I was like, yay threesome! But what really surprised me was how much Georgie's grown and I'm okay with admitting that. BUT it was still so cool.
(LOL WHAT THIS SOUNDS SO WRONG!)

HAHAHAHAHA. THAT IS ALL FOR NOW. I HAVE A COLD.
(Idek why but this one made me laugh SO MUCH.)

THERE IS SOME SERIOUSLY GOOD PORN BEING POSTED, GO SEE GO SEE. I AM SO GLAD I POSTED IT BECAUSE FUCK, THERE IS NO NEED FOR THAT.
(Am I glad? Or not? WHO KNOWS.)

Moseley will not feature in any film ever. I'M REALLY QUITE PROUD OF IT, OKAY.
(AHAHAHAHA. Clearly I have sabotaged his career?)

I've never really--" WHAT. thisissirius and I have this torch, will this do?" and it's all quiet, and she murmured "Goodness!" about seventy times throughout the movie.

I mean, though. I only have a few photos from the LWW-era where it's just the fact that it's the first time I've ever had to make it the way they did lots of bungee-jumping and they always look kind of a small cat.
(Lolwut.)

Also hi, this is a boyband that Ben used to be in -- a candid hint from William that his sexual preference runs into areas which Narnia author C.S. Lewis, as a committed Christian, might have some problems with sequencing.
(I think this might be my favourite. It totally sounds like Hyrise is the hint that Will is gay, and that C.S. Lewis will have problems sequencing all of that.)

Also, it's taken me WAY TOO LONG (as in like, two years) to realise that I can't source because I don't know how to pose.

(Skandar's never understood quite why -- he has a ginormous list of 'Fan-fiction Kinks, Tropes, and Cliches' for you (...) when everyone else is hiding rainy sundays drunk at two...
(Lolol I BET he does.)

And the sudden silence when the interviewer asks if maybe he would've liked to have his hands over his crotch, lololol. I remember looking at this. My sister didn't, and was still terrified. Which is just great. :D I liked writing their struggle to accept their feelings for each other.
(AHAHA WHAT IS THIS, CREEPY INTERVIEWER/MY SISTER FIC??)

Anyway, though. WHAT ELSE. I absolutely love the way i talk when i'm speaking near her she must think i crawled out of context or just edit out extra sentences.

NEVER FLY IF YOU HAVE A PAID ACCOUNT. IT IS UNDYING. I NEED TO CALM DOWN. EDIT: CLEARLY I AM NOT CALMING DOWN ANY TIME SOON. OKAY SO THIS IS ALL IRRELEVANT, WTF AM I WRITING SO MUCH.

They're totally talking about how there had to be a certain shot where he'd look really, really good, and I'd be like "HE IS AN EVIL TRAITOR" and like...yes, he made mistakes, but I never, ever thought he would spend ages ~preparing his look~.

I'm feeling more relaxed. I was really nervous about the sexuality of one of those French films that Will gets all moony-eyed over. (Skandar's never understood quite why -- he doesn't put any particular stress on 'female' (nor 'centaur', lol)

windingarrow, you warned me about this, when I was like, god, they'd get there quicker if they just walked at like a hundred and twenty meters, like two-hundred and fifty feet, an eight second free-fall, basically: it's huge. And Skandar's afraid of heights, and he doesn't have the patience that subtitles require
(I love how totally unconnected the last two phrases are.)

she must think i crawled out of sequence and stuff. I don't know. The first time in ages, and I hated Will/Anna with a female centaur, and Will is all "WELL IT WASN'T THE BACKSTREET BOYS" as if this is how fucking awesome Edmund is. Like, I knew that already because people had said so, but I think the whole Susan/Caspian romance, and Will gets all entranced and stands there in the airport doing nothing until it finally took off at about 1am. And of course there was the highest one we did.

Warnings: Real person slash Summary: A series of letters exchanged between Will and Skan (each other's cocks)
(LETTERS EXCHANGED BETWEEN WILL AND SKANDAR'S COCKS. CRACKFIC, PLZ.)

First of all, it was a completely amazing experience, but it was hilarious, because my Grandma sat next to me and she just calmly shoots man after man...just so you know.
(THIS ONE MADE ME CHOKE ON MY DRINK.)

I would imagine Susan being like "Oh, I have with Ben, I guess. I honestly love that he's gay, but I hate saying that because I so don't have any money now." D: I had to cover my eyes or whatever because I don't feel like I didn't laugh this time for some reason. I guess we got what we paid for. ANYWAY.
(What is this? Susan/rentboy!Ben?)

Subject: Michael doesn't know that i'm already thinking about how they had to consider him with Tilda, but more than she ever has.
(Michael Apted/Tilda Swinton!! Interesting.)

In the book I never pictured Reepicheep that big. Even though, like, Liz reminded me that he's gay, but I can't source because I don't know. And Lucy! I still couldn't quite catch it. I expected it to be more porn in this, I hope you enjoy it or whatever because I don't know why. I just really don't.
(...)

Also, even when Skandar is in a nurse's outfit, you're probably going to finally give this entry a go.
(Skandar in a nurse's outfit? I would give that entry a go, for sure.)

and I said to Skandar, 'I hated Will/Anna with a potato peeler/knife on someone's face, I was sort of quivering in my mouth, she doesn't know any New Zealand trivia, does he?
(Whaaaaat.)

I've had 'Skandar/Anna' in my seat, which is INAPPROPRIATE.
(Lololol.)

Will gets all moony-eyed over. (Skandar's never understood quite why -- he doesn't have anything like Radcliffe's profile. If that allows him to be more porn in this, I hope you enjoy it anyway.
(Idk why but I imagined this as Skandar being like "god, Will, you are so not as good as Daniel Radcliffe" and it amused me.)

Write something kinky you've always been like, Edmund the umbrellas in his crotch, lololol. I remembered Caspian. This surprises me.
(...this was when I changed the settings for it to be even more random.)

And after that it all turned into gobbledigook.

Comments

[kaiwynn.livejournal.com]

I IMAGINED THERE TO BE MORE PORN IN CASPIAN, YES.

I hated Will/Anna with a female centaur

hahaha write that nao plz?

umbrellas in edmund's crotchhhh

also your grandma sounds awesome haha XD

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

ME TOO, AND THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

Lol Will/Anna/female centaur. CRACK.

I have no idea what was with the umbrellas bit, that must have been like five different sentences mashed together. I love it.

SHE IS AWESOME. AN AWESOME ASSASSIN, APPARENTLY.

[dee-lirious.livejournal.com]

You can be as detailed as you like, explaining exactly what you want to read, or you can show up at my house completely unannounced

Will is all "WELL IT WASN'T THE BACKSTREET BOYS" as if this is how fucking awesome Edmund is.

Will gets all moony-eyed over. (Skandar's never understood quite why -- he doesn't have anything like Radcliffe's profile.

because my Grandma sat next to me and she just calmly shoots man after man...just so you know.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS OBVIOUSLY A TRAINED ASSASSIN.

oh, dear, i laughed way too hard to be healthy. ♥

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOL they're amazing, aren't they? I laughed too much too. XD

[http://users.livejournal.com/_profiterole_/]

I'm actually crying with laughter her.

*goes to try*

or something?" Will asked with a laugh. "Quite loudly, yes. But that can only do him some good." "Aren't you supposed to defend your own team?" "Well, yes, of course, but we're all on the same rooftop
OMG! This one is just perfect!

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOL OMG. WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME ROOFTOP. THAT'S AMAZING.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOL ME TOO. I seriously could've kept going forever, I might do another post of these, they're so good.

HAHA THAT WAS WHAT I WAS IMAGINING TOO. The best thing is I'm imagining it as being one of those, like, middle-aged men that interview them for the promotion of the movies?

LOL I KNOW and I'd be like "WHAT, YOU CAN JUST COMMENT ON THE POST WITH YOUR REQUEST" and they'd all be like "BUT YOU SAID...IN THE RULES...THAT WE COULD TURN UP..."

Yeah, it's the 'just so you know' that makes it, I think. It's such a casual addition to the story.

I would really be pretty interested to see nurse!Skandar. And...you know, I am imagining a female nurse's outfit. Obviously.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

Lolol also I just tried it with your username and I have to say, I LOVE the results because they're basically a mash of your Will/Skandar fic and your Peter/Edmund one. See:

Edmund, ashamed. “I hate Narnia!” he cries after a moment like he belongs in Narnia—not here. The rules in this weather. He leans forward and crouches in front of Skandar like this, so completely different from the direction of the underwear, and Skandar gasps again and screws his eyes dark and wide like he’s pleading, like he really wants it.
Edmund/Skandar!

This always does this fantasy he murmurs. “I don't hate you,” Skandar tilts his own erection.
Lolololol.

and Edmund can't keep being girly in Skandar's legs
WHAT.

He doesn't really offended anymore—he's used to ask if Will shivers suddenly. “Fuck me,” he is going back a breath as it doesn’t put a suitcase in control. Skandar blinks and rain pounding incessantly on his thighs,
LOL I LOVE THIS ONE.

“What have gone through the knickers ?” “You don't know,” Will says, his tongue through a jolt right to stop this.
WHAT HAVE GONE THROUGH THE KNICKERS, SARAH.

“So you didn’t you? I look ridiculous, Skandar takes it aches, but he needs more bread, when Skandar’s name. “Will - you want to get up—he only been wanting to Skandar clenching tightly around Will’s hand falls to convince me! You've ruined my fucking ABBA MUSICAL. And if he did this, and rehearsed, his cock, grabbing onto the supermarket, trying to do anything but I'm not even kisses him outright
This was when I started laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

Okay one more omg this so addicting. We'll go for something really quite disturbing to finish it off:

He pushes forward. He is enough - enjoyed it, you really like - would Skandar underneath him. “I think of Narnia, and his cock into Will’s hair, pulling him a glimpse of affection, and Father find their cocks together.
...Yeah.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD SOMEHOW IT'S LIKE 100000X BETTER IN GIANT LETTERS. OMG THIS IS MY NEW FAVOURITE PHRASE, I'M SO GOING TO START SAYING IT.

YOU ALSO SHOULD HAVE SEEN MY REACTION TO 'And when he got a decent job and enough money to get his own erection.' I LITERALLY THREW MY HEAD BACK IN LAUGHTER. OH MY GOD. ENOUGH MONEY TO GET HIS OWN ERECTION. I'M DYING.

WHY IS THE UMBRELLA DRIPPING WITH LIPSTICK. DO WE REALLY WANT TO KNOW, IDK.

LOL HE STOPS FOR A WHILE TO READ A BOOK. WILL. HONESTLY. THAT'S PRETTY INCONSIDERATE YOU KNOW.

[alice-pike.livejournal.com]

Probably the same angle, reaches around and pushes Skandar’s hand away for a while, reads a book. OMG. OMGOMGOMG I CAN'T BREATHE. THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES RIGHT NOW. I CAN'T EVEN.

THIS IS AMAZING.

[fiere.livejournal.com]

I would imagine Susan being like "Oh, I have with Ben, I guess. I honestly love that he's gay, but I hate saying that because I so don't have any money now." D: I had to cover my eyes or whatever because I don't feel like I didn't laugh this time for some reason. I guess we got what we paid for. ANYWAY.

Hahahahaha, omg, this is amazing!

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOL I KNOW SERIOUSLY. WHAT WOULD SUSAN BE TALKING ABOUT THERE.

[etzyofi.livejournal.com]

LMFAOOOO ILIT.

How in the world do you do text boxes? This is amazing.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

:D IT'S SO GREAT.

I might be being an idiot, but what do you mean about the text boxes?

[rebeccama.livejournal.com]

I needed a laugh and some of those are perfect.

Also hi, this is a boyband that Ben used to be in -- a candid hint from William that his sexual preference runs into areas which Narnia author C.S. Lewis, as a committed Christian, might have some problems with sequencing.

I think that broke my brain.

And Skandar's afraid of heights, and he doesn't have the patience that subtitles require

Maybe Skandar fears that if he is up high he won't be able to make out the subtitles?

First of all, it was a completely amazing experience, but it was hilarious, because my Grandma sat next to me and she just calmly shoots man after man...just so you know.

o_O

Also, even when Skandar is in a nurse's outfit, you're probably going to finally give this entry a go.

Ok, I just pictured that.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOL aren't they?? I'm still laughing over some of them.

I approve of your subtitles theory, it makes a lot of sense. XD

[alice-pike.livejournal.com]

OH MY HOLY CRAP. I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH ANY OF THESE. THERE MAY BE COHERENCY LATER, IDEK. I AM CRACKING UP WAY TO MUCH DO TO anything RIGHT NOW.

SKANDAR'S LIST OF FANFICTION KINKS ftw.

*goes off to do her own*

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOL YOU JUST KNOW SKANDAR HAS A SECRET LIST OF ALL HIS FANFICTION KINKS.

[annon-of-rhi.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, I sounded like a hyena just then! I was laughing so hard, my gosh. This was hilarious, I'm going to have to try it myself. :D

[sundappled.livejournal.com]

Also hi, this is a boyband that Ben used to be in -- a candid hint from William that his sexual preference runs into areas which Narnia author C.S. Lewis, as a committed Christian, might have some problems with sequencing.


LOLOLOL.

[iamshunpike.livejournal.com]

First of all, it was a completely amazing experience, but it was hilarious, because my Grandma sat next to me and she just calmly shoots man after man...just so you know.

THIS IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I READ ALL LAST YEAR. AT ALL.
i would keep coming back to this entry just to read that sentence. people say "I CAN'T BREATHE" and "WHAT IS AIR" but one time i really, actually had trouble breathing from laughing. MY RIBCAGE HURT.

lolol it's just so perfect.

Relevant: I've been watching the movie RED where Helen Mirren kicks ass with guns and action and IT IS AMAZING.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA I'm glad, I often have trouble breathing after reading these things. I've been putting together another post of them actually. So far I've been told that Georgie's nipples have a deep mystery. And that somebody's arms are aching, but not beavers. WAT.