SMEYER RUINS EVERYTHING.

[hardparade]

Numerous sources are reporting that once again, another writer has stepped in to write the script for The Voyage of the Dawn Treader movie. The newest choice will come as a surprise to many. Author Stephenie Meyer, the woman behind the New York Times Best Selling series Twilight, has been tapped to take the latest crack at the story.

“She can help bring a lot of fresh ideas to the table,” says one source. “She can also help bring in audience members. People know who she is far more then CS Lewis.”

“Lewis represents the ideas of the past,” says a second source. “Meyer represents the future. This is the perfect blending.”

WTF NO. WHY. WHY.

This had better be an April Fool's joke. >:(

There is a bit of concern that some aspects of her books, namely vampires, may find there way into Narnia. However sources close to Michael Apted and Douglas Gresham insist that both men will work tirelessly to rein her in properly.

“There will be no sparkly vampires in in my movie,” said Apted. “And Edward Cullen won’t be in Dawn Treader either.”

LOL HE SOUNDS SO PISSED OFF ABOUT IT. MICHAEL APTED, I LIKE YOU ALREADY. I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU A DOUCHE IN CORRESPONDENCE.

But seriously what, whyyyy, whyyyy. WHY WOULD ANYONE THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

Did everyone hear that the Ben-as-Aro thing was a total rumour, btw? I'm an odd mix of relieved and disappointed, and I still want to finish that fic about him getting really into the role and wearing a cape everywhere, and Willmo being a closet Twilight fan and wanting to meet RPattz and everything.

Edit: Source, btw.

Comments

[suborbital.livejournal.com]

Oh Dear Aslan, please let this be an April Fools. I will kill a bitch if her crap writing ruins my Narnia. Fuck off with you, woman! lol I couldn't even sit through that fucking movie. My eyes almost rolled out when he sparkled lol. And who is going to be her super undie wearing everyone likes me Bella mary sue character? Lucy? lol. Wake me up when this is all over please.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

Arghhh, it better be. The movie was awful, my cousin and I were literally doubled over laughing at most of it.

If this is really happening, I just hope the other writers and everybody have enough control to stop her from having TOO much say in it, you know?

[alexi-lupin.livejournal.com]

I reckon April Fool's. I NEED this to be April Fool's, otherwise I will lose a lot of hope for humanity.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

It didn't occur to me at first and then I was like...wait. I googled 'Stephenie Meyer Dawn Treader' and nothing else came up, but idk. *prays for April Fool's*

[litterthisheart.livejournal.com]

EW, NO. I am not even really in this fandom but, on behalf of HUMANITY, NOOOOOO.

Also, People know who she is far more then CS Lewis. GRAMMAR FAIL.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOL GRAMMAR FAIL. ALSO, GENERAL FAIL, WTF. MORE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT CS LEWIS. >:(

[lettersandliars.livejournal.com]

WTF. NO. NO. If this isn't an April Fool's joke I will cry.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

UGH SAME HERE. WTF. >:(

[picturegames.livejournal.com]

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................





FML

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

FUCK ALL OF OUR LIVES, MAN. THIS SUCKS. >:(

[breathe-me27.livejournal.com]

OMG WHAT. NO. FUCK NO. SHE CAN FUCKING GO FUCK HERSELF IF SHE THINKS SHE'S RUINING THIS FOR ME.

People know who she is far more then CS Lewis.

Excuse me? If by "people", you mean those shit-for-brains Twihards then that wouldn't surprise me. But that's insulting to the rest of us!

“There will be no sparkly vampires in in my movie,”

Lol, that's something at least.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

RIGHT? I HATE the assumption that ~people nowadays~ are more likely to know who SMeyer is than they are CS Lewis. Even if it's true. IT'S UPSETTING.

And yeah, I'm relieved that there's not going to be some random inclusion of sparkly vampires. But there are still so many things she could ruin. D: AS IF I WASN'T WORRIED ENOUGH ABOUT THERE BEING A NEW DIRECTOR.

[elyanell.livejournal.com]

no.
no way.

no FUCKING way.

Meyer and NARNIA?!?!

it's like...ham with chocolate.
or something equally disgusting.
simply awful.

nooooooo!

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOL HAM WITH CHOCOLATE. But I totally agree. If SMeyer's the ham, because I'm totally a vegetarian. >:( IDK THERE IS NO APPROPRIATE ANALOGY FOR THIS HORROR.

[elyanell.livejournal.com]

of course she's the ham!
and yes, you're right there's no appropriate analogy but it's as wrong as skan without will, joe without nick (!) or bill without tom.
W-R-O-N-G and hope-its-not-going-to-happen.

ugh.

[chippyofyonder.livejournal.com]

I shall be one of many and add my "DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" to the table because, honestly?

DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO D:!!!!!

HELP MICHAEL APTED! OR ASLAN! HELL, IT COULD BE THE WHITE WITCH FOR ALL I CARE!

JUST GET HER THE HELL AWAY FROM NARNIA!

P.S.

I did NOT, in fact, hate the Twilight movie. But that could be because I LAUGHED THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE THING. ESPECIALLY THE "SERIOUS" PARTS.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

I AM SO GLAD EVERYONE IS AS OUTRAGED AS I AM, WTF.

I didn't HATE the Twilight movie because like...idk, that's a strong emotion and I didn't CARE enough about it to hate it? But it was ridiculous. I laughed the whole way through too. Tbh I have considered buying it, to cheer me up when I feel down. IT BRINGS THE LULZ, OKAY. And you're right, ESPECIALLY the "serious" scenes.

[chippyofyonder.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm considering buying it too, JUST for the lulz XD I also found it hysterical/annoying/unbelievable that the die-hard fans of the books (at least in the city I live) were all complaining about the movie being unrealistic and that Edward and Bella fell in love out of no where.

...

I just say, "Oh, so it was exactly like the book, then?" XD

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

LOLLL. That's actually kind of amazing. WOW.

[chippyofyonder.livejournal.com]

I know.

Ok ok ok, I've been thinking it over and I figure this HAS to be an April Fool's joke. I keep vaguely remembering a site that said they were planning on putting the White Witch in another Narnia movie (Dawn Treader, I think), but then it all turned out to be a huge April Fool's joke...

My sanity clings to this hope D:

[ichnal.livejournal.com]

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK


I FUCKING HATE SMEYER SO FUCKING MUCH,.F DSAJDSFJIOA;FJE;WAOIGJEWA;IOFJSDA;KLFWA SHE RUINS EVERYTHING. HATEHATEHATEHATE

[ichnal.livejournal.com]

NO SERIOUSLY. I WILL FUCKING /DRIVE/ TO ARIZONA TO KICK HER BIG FAT VAG FACE IN IF I HAVE TO. I WILL FALCON PUNCH HER IN THE /TIT/




FJEKW;ALJGIOE;AWJFKLD;SAYJHGIOQWA

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

I WILL JOIN YOU. LET'S GO DO IT NOW, OKAY. I HATED HER ENOUGH BEFORE, WHEN SHE WAS JUST LIKE, IN HER OWN FANDOM, BUT NOW SHE'S COMING AND FUCKING WITH OURS? NOT ACCEPTABLE, SMEYER.

[ichnal.livejournal.com]

SRSLY. lol for some reason, I thought you were one of my friends on LJ who loved twilight.


COME JOIN US. HTTP://TWILIGHTSUCKS.PROBOARDS.COM

\O/

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

I WILL BE CHECKING THAT OUT. XD

[woodwind.livejournal.com]

Lol. My thoughts exactly. Urg, I wish my hatred of her, and yours to, would actually do something like make Twilight disappear but it doesn't. That's what's kind of sad about it.

[ichnal.livejournal.com]

I know. :/


FRIENDING YOU. \o/ Hi! I'm Chi. CC:

[woodwind.livejournal.com]

:) Twilight haters unite. Friended you back.

[thisissirius.livejournal.com]

WHAT THE HELL. I AM OUTRAGED, PISSED OFF AND ANNOYED ALL AT ONCE.

WTF. I NEED SKANDAR OR GEORGIE TO BITCHSLAP HER INSTANTLY.

WILL CANNOT HANDLE THIS SHIT. HE'S GOING TO FLOUNCE OFF AND ANNOUNCE HIS DISPLEASURE TO EVERYONE EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT EVEN IN THIS MOVIE.

AND DUDE, THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY CASPIAN PERVING OVER LUCY ON THE SHIP. WATCHING HER WHILST SHE SLEEPS.

ALTHOUGH BEN WOULD TOTALLY BE INTO PLAYING THAT SCENE.

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

I AM GLAD YOU AGREE WITH MY OUTRAGE, PISSED-OFF-NESS AND ANNOYANCE.

BUT I AM ALSO MAD AT YOU FOR SAYING EVERYTHING ELSE YOU SAID BECAUSE IT HAS SOMEHOW MADE ME WANT TO WRITE FIC. ABOUT THIS HAPPENING. AND WILL EITHER ~FLOUNCING~ OR BEING ALL EXCITED ('CAUSE HE'S A CLOSET NARNIA FAN AND ALL, IDK) AND BEN GETTING ALL INTO HIS NEW CREEPY EDWARD-LIKE ROLE. IDKKKKK.

[thisissirius.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHHAA. OF COURSE I DID.

OMG LOL. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO DO IT. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. EXCPET WILL WOULD TOTALLY BE A DIE HARD TWATLIGHT FAN.

[starrlit-eyes.livejournal.com]

“She can also help bring in audience members. People know who she is far more then CS Lewis.”

“Lewis represents the ideas of the past,” says a second source. “Meyer represents the future. This is the perfect blending.”

FUCK YOU, TWI-HARDS!

Jesus Christ. This had better be a joke.

wtf? my comment keep getting deleted, sorry

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

RIGHT?! "REPRESENTS THE FUTURE", WTF?! THAT IS NOT A FUTURE I WANT TO LIVE IN.

IT BETTER BE A FUCKING JOKE.

What the fucking hell?

[lacrymosa-queen.livejournal.com]

What the fuckedy fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!! Will. Not. Allow. It. This BETTER be a freaking JOKE!!!! What. The. Fuck.....NO!!! Just...blasphemy!!!!! Chist.....! Fuck..what the fuck??? Why would you ruin something so amazing with a woman who writes like a 12 year old girl with A.D.D.?? (No offense meant to people with A.D.D....trust me..I knowww)
Perfect blending?? Yeah, perfect blending would be blending Bitch!Meyer's face with the pavement!
Caspian's going to be fucking sparkley..fuck....Reepicheep can see the future LYKEOMG!!! *gag* Son of a fuck this!!! Fuck....FUCK!!!

Re: What the fucking hell?

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

I AM GLAD YOU ARE AS ANGRY AS I AM.

LOL 12 YEAR OLD WITH ADD. THAT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY ACCURATE. I'VE ACTUALLY READ HALF OF THE TWILIGHT SERIES, OKAY, AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO FAITH IN THIS WOMAN'S WRITING ABILITY. I CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF HER RUINING THIS FOR US. >:(

Yeah, perfect blending would be blending Bitch!Meyer's face with the pavement!
THIS. WHY HAS THIS NOT HAPPENED YET.

[mspotamus.livejournal.com]

“She can help bring a lot of fresh ideas to the table,” says one source. “She can also help bring in audience members. People know who she is far more then CS Lewis.”

“Lewis represents the ideas of the past,” says a second source. “Meyer represents the future. This is the perfect blending.”


WHAT. SWEET LORD. I THINK I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE. :(

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

RIGHT?! THE FIRST QUOTE IS PRETTY INSULTING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC, AND THE SECOND, JUST, WHAT. IT'S INSULTING TO THE FUTURE. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN A FUTURE THAT IS REPRESENTED BY SMEYER. D:

[sagee-x3.livejournal.com]

NO. NO. NO!

This better be a fucken joke >:-(

*is extremely irritated*

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

RIGHT? If this isn't an April Fool's thing...idek what I'll do. I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW.

[wirelesstouch.livejournal.com]

Haha it's totally an April Fool's day thing. :D I think. :D Yeah. :/

[woodwind.livejournal.com]

*Becomes violently ill* Oh man, and I thought Narnia/my life couldn't get any worse. S. Meyer is everywhere, seriously. I think she's this witch who put a spell on stupid teenage girls because come on she's talentless and Twilight is the silliest, slowest paced book ever to be written. Plus, sparkly vampires! Give me a break. She should take care of her kids instead of ruining more of the literature world. She ruined vampires and werewolves for me, so I'm pissed no matter what but I'd still like Narnia to remain somewhat sane. *Glares* Rant over. Jeez, sorry I need to avoid ranting on your LJ but I saw this and died a little more inside. :( Poor me. :P

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

It's okay! It was an April Fool after all. :D

But I totally agree, god, I HATE Twilight and her SO MUCH.