mysteries of phallic erection in the male

[hardparade]

So, you know a while ago I came across all those scans of retro gay porn magazines? And I've been posting the pictures from them that I like the most? WELL, I've also been saving other pictures from them, purely because they made me crack up/do a double-take/basically go 'wtf' and stare at the screen in bewilderment. And I thought it might lower the tone if I mixed them up with the others, soooo: this is a whole post devoted to the weirdest parts of those magazines.

Actually, I think at first I just went 'wtf' and skipped right over them, so it's not ALL the weirdest parts, but there's still some pretty weird/entertaining stuff.


I just thought this one was cute.



Idk about you guys, but I think that's a pretty logical conclusion to come to.


Getting straight to the point.


Looks legit. (I actually can't, with this one, though. REALLY?? I just keep dissolving into fits of giggles whenever I see it.)


Those quotes concern me.


I will not have an erection in class...


I approve of this motion picture's title.


OH GOD.


This guy: the original Regina George.


I do not even know where to START with this.


WHY?


They were clearly running out of scenarios in which two guys could feasibly end up boning.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


MAKE IT GO AWAY. *cowers* I like how even the guy is like "...yeah...no."


Excuse me, wtf are you doing?


This just made me laugh because it was so completely random. Porn, porn, porn—contact lenses?!


Nice. Poetry, almost.


...Okay then.


LOLOL WHAT.


"Research report." "Study." "Photographic reference studies." See, this is a time when the quotes would have come in handy.


Omg this was both hilarious and adorable—someone had actually written this on one of the pages!


...from that roof?


No comment.


Lololol.


I just enjoy the use of the word 'fabulous' here.


A question for the ages.


Haha! I don't even know.


...No words.


I see what you did there.


I can't get over the fact that this dude is reading the "bedside mating guide" WHILE HAVING SEX.


This one just makes me kinda sad, because he's attractive, but...why the belt? And the boots? Why?


...


~MYSTERIES~


This just looks like more trouble than it's worth.


This one literally makes me lol every time. THE STATUE. THE STATUE IN GENERAL, BUT ESPECIALLY ITS EXPRESSION.


...okay. Good luck with that, dude.


THE TYPEFACE IS MADE OF PENISES. SO CLASSY.


...What is he doing with that hammer?


I just...*sigh* Why would this be sexy in any way? I think this was one of the '80s ones. I enjoyed how you could actually see the porn getting steadily worse with each decade.


This was also the '80s. WHAT EVEN. "You don't like the food? WELL, HERE IS THE CHEF'S PENIS. HOW ABOUT THAT."


"LET'S PUT IT IN YOUR BREADROLL. THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE."


OMG FLOWERS.


...no.


Please do not involve that cat in this.


Male animal. *snort*


He just...he looks so unimpressed.


Apparently, this guy is looking at the tiniest porn magazine known to man.


Now that's what I call good writing.


*shrug* Burning questions of humanity.


...No. BIOLOGY FAIL.


Are we all taking notes?


Hee.


Clever.


That was quick.


BUT WHY THOUGH?


Aaand this was one of the few from the '90s that I even bothered to look at. WORST. WORST EVER.


It's so cute. I don't know why. It's just like, trying so hard to be an innocent book. They don't even bother with that anymore, do they?


GET READY, YOU GUYS.


Sadly, that is all. I have plenty more of the gay porn that actually succeeded in being nice to look at, though, so expect more of that in the near future!

Comments

[inthenameofjuc.livejournal.com]

oh my god, this is a post of pure excellence. love all the incest references but my favorite would HAVE to be "OMG FLOWERS" i straight snorting with laughter. soooo fuuuuuunnnnnyyyyy

[likecharity.livejournal.com]

Hahaha SERIOUSLY THOUGH WHAT IS THAT FACIAL EXPRESSION?? Why is he so startled/thrilled by the flowers? We will never know.